Could you please help me to revise this essay? Thanks you

Topic: some people think that it is the responsibility of the government of a country to ensure a healthy lifestyle for its people, while others believe that individuals should be free to make decisions for their lifestyles. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

My essay:

Some people have different views as regards whether individual's lifestyle should be considered as their personal interests or should be obliged by the government. Some argue that governments should be in the vanguard of setting up the healthy lifestyle for its citizens. Others, myself included, go for supporting the freedom of choice.

On the one hand, the critical role of governments in encouraging their residents to participate in social activities such as sports to strengthen mental health and physical appearance is undeniable. For example, in the US, to rise the spirit of students in sports, the government always fund fully a considerable number of scholarship for young athletes to get into universities. Furthermore, the booming of platforms on social networks such as Facebook, Twitter brings about a revolution in the modern life. The supports of authorities in limiting the adverse effects of media network on youngsters are required. For instance, Russia’s authority could save thousands of adolescents who committed suicide by banning the secret group, namely "Blue Whale, which transfer the radicalism to children to kill themselves.

On the other hand, there are several reasons why people think that treating the lifestyle as an individual freedom should be fully respected. First, any creatures in the earth have their basic rights to choose freely their own lifestyle. For example, Michael Phelps would not have been a legendary Olympian if swimming had not been promoted in the US. Additionally, the personal enjoyment is variable because different people have different tastes. It is impossible for the government to set up a framework of healthy lifestyle.

In conclusion, it seems to me that governments should take responsibility to guide for its people to live the healthier lifestyle, but it would be wrong if forcing them into any regulation or rule.