Could you please help me to correct my essay?

0Could you please correct and comments on my writting? this is for IELTS writting task 2. Many thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!02br
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00Question: Computers do not help children to learn more effectively. On the contrary, their usage has a negative effect on both the physical and metal development of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?02br
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00I partly agree with the point expressed. I would like to ague that the computer does improve the children‘s learning efficiency in a large scale. The computer can offer learning materials over various media to help children to learn faster, and even more importantly, in a fun way.02br
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00However, computer can be danger to children’s health due to the “unergonomic” design.Without paying too much attention to their body posture, children could develop RSI (Repetitive Strain Injury) after long time of using a computer. Also, the light of the monitor harmful for eyesight because it is very strong and the screen is blinking in a high frequency. Ones eyesight will decrease if constantly starring at the computer screen.02br
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00 Moreover, children can be easily misled by inappropriate game contents of computer. There are many sexual and violence related computer games in the market. By watching and playing with them, children tend to simulate the characters in the game, and that could led to serious crimes. Another drawback of computer is that it does not help children to develop communication skills. It is not like in reality, there is no face-to-face communications within a cyber world, and children cannot feel others’ touches and emotion changes through computer equipments.02br
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00In conclusion, my opinion is that the computer can be an excellent tool to help children on effective learning. Yet the same time, it has many disadvantages. Children should only use computer with accompany of adults in order to avoid the abuse of it. 0-