Could you please help me to check out my essay and give me some suggestions?

This essay is a TOEFL test. I am really appreciate who can help me to check out the mistake I make and I am hoping you could give me some good advices.

The task is: People attend college or university for many different reasons(for examples, new experiences, career preparation,increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend or college or university?Use specific reasons and examples to support your answers.

Here is my essay.

It is, presently, under widely debate whether it is worth to attend college for quantities of graduates cannot find their content jobs. What they argue is that education of college cannot really accomplish their duty to cultivate a qualified student. It cannot be denied, however, that many students get confused in their campus life. This phenomenon, originated by society and vast perfected by some people, who lose their heart, embodied a profound message. We can not only judge the value of attending college by the harvest they reap but by the seeds that they plant.

The first seed that you will plant is your future development. Life in the college not only offer you a chance to learn high-tech knowledge but also what you have to learn for your personal development which is ignored by the people who do not have the permission to the university. In my person level, the primeval step during my life to get involved in modern society could come when I enter the university. Whereas people get into society in advance, I could still study the social behavior via varieties of books. While they probably get a well-pay job, I have the chance to study in a more mastery way which would definitely benefit my future job. Of course, the contrast is not quite so stark at the beginning, yet the essential difference is undeniable. Given the statistic analysis, people who get a bachelor degree or a more advance degree would get a much higher remuneration. Certainly, in trying to explain this phenomenon, one would have to place great emphasis on this almost instinct for Bill Gates who give up the school life and devote himself to Microsoft. This solid body of opinion that success is not determined by what their education level is base on extraordinarily individual example.

The second seed is the friend who attends classes with you together, a partner, who can offer their sincere help, a competitor, who will arouse your deepest potential to study a much harder way which is beyond your wildest imagination. This phenomenon can be explained by the peer pressure. Yet it would be wrong to be considered the pressure always has a negative effect. My roommate study much harder than me, so sometimes I am jealous of his hard working, but this feeling pales in comparison to the inspiration of him with the sheer passage of time. Now thanks to him, I learn a great lesson in my life is that no matter what your currently situation is, never give up and keep trying just like my roommates. Hardly could I image a great chance to meet him in somewhere else.

The last seed lies in the leisure time during the collage life. Some people bridge the leisure to lazy because they hold a view that one should work all the time regardless his physical or mental health. As far as those college students concerned, leisure time is the best time in their life to think about where they from, who they are and where they could go. Don't look down upon these simple questions. A person who never thinks about these questions would be confused in the future even though he becomes a millionaire. I always ask myself these questions and talk to roommates in my leisure time such as walking to classroom or before we fall asleep. Albeit I never draw a distinctive conclusion, I enjoy the process discussing with other people and I become more humble, because of knowing the versatile of the different people.

Where these seeds should be planted? There is no doubt about the answer.