Could you please check that writing for me ? i don't know where are my mistakes:(

Question

Dear Ms Cindy Incardona
I am writing to inquire about Celin Cosmetics' products. Especially i am interested in Celin concealer but unfortunately i cannot try and buy none of them because i live in Greece-Athens and i cannot even found Celin Cosmetics at Sephoras which are in Greece. Of course it is possible to order Celin Cosmetics products online via Sephora (USA) but please could you say me, how can i order any make up product especially if it is a concealer without testing it before?

Unfortunately i have serious dark circles under the eyes and i cannot go out without using concealer that's why i had been using Dior Anticerne Perfecteur Long-Wearing Moisturizing Concealer since 2002 and it was the best brand of concealer for me between all concealer brands but last year Dior stopped its sales all over the world. Sadly i had to search other concealer brands and i read so many positive comments about Celin concealer and i wanted to try it but as i said before unfortunately i couldn't test it because of the reasons above.

So I would be grateful if you could send me four shades (ivory , fair, light golden, medium beige) of them as tester thus i can choose my best color and order three tubes online peacefully.

Thank you for your help from now

Hearing from you soon

Lali

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

Dear Ms Cindy Incardon:

I am writing to inquire about Celin Cosmetics products. Because I am unable to sample your company's Celin concealer in Athens, I would appreciate if you could send me four shades (ivory , fair, light golden, medium beige) as a test.

Because I live in Greece-Athens, I am not able to try and buy any of your company's products. Even our popular store Sephoras does not carry your products. Of course it is possible to order Celin Cosmetics products online via Sephora (USA), but it is very expensive, especially if I am not satisfied with the product.

Unfortunately I have dark circles under my eyes and I cannot go out without using concealer. That is why i have been using Dior Anticerne Perfecteur Long-Wearing Moisturizing Concealer since 2002. Last year, however, Dior stopped its sales all over the world. I have been searching for a replacement product and have read so many positive comments about Celin concealer that I want to try it.

I would be grateful if you could please send me four shades (ivory , fair, light golden, medium beige) as a test. If I am satisfied, then I will choose my best color and order online.

Should you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for your assistance.

Sincerely,

Lali

Does this capture your message?

MountainHiker · Answer

Okay, so now I learn that this is an exercise, not an earnest letter.

Dear Ms Cindy Incardonaz (colon, comma, space?)

I am writing to inquire about Celin Cosmetics' products. It should be, "I am especially interested in...." Especially i am interested in Celin concealer but unfortunately i cannot try and buy none (any?) of them because i (capital "I") live in Greece-Athens and i (capital "I") cannot even found (find?) Celin Cosmetics at Sephoras which are in Greece. Of course it is possible to order Celin Cosmetics products online via Sephora (USA) but please could you say (tell?) me, how can i order any make up product especially if it is a concealer without testing it before? Your sentence is too long, and might even be a run-on. Before writing with long complext sentences, try smaller, easier sentences.

Unfortunately i have serious dark circles under the (my?) eyes and i cannot go out without using concealer (period?) that's why i had (have?) been using Dior Anticerne Perfecteur Long-Wearing Moisturizing Concealer since 2002 and it was the best brand of concealer for me between (among?) all concealer brands but last year Dior stopped its sales all over the world. Sadly i (capital "I") had to search other concealer brands and i (capital "I") read so many positive comments about Celin concealer and i (capital "I") wanted to try it but as i (capital "I") said before unfortunately i (capital "I") couldn't test it because of the reasons above.

So I would be grateful if you could send me four shades (ivory , fair, light golden, medium beige) of them as tester (perhaps a period and then start a new sentence?) thus i (capital "I") can choose my best color and order three tubes online peacefully (peacefully?, I have no clue what that is about).

Thank you for your help ~~from now~~

Hearing from you soon

Lali

I am not sure if someone gave you text and you were supposed to correct it. Or if you were to write a letter to solve a problem. But the letter above has many errors. If nothing else, try to write with smaller sentences so that you can manage them.

Lali · Answer

Hi MountainHiker,

Do you think it is better than first one? i wrote the other letter and mixed it with yours...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Ms Cindy Incardon

I am writing to inquire information about Celin Cosmetics' products. I am especially interested in Celin concealer. Since I live in Athens, Greece, I can not find your products, even in Europe Sephoras. Of course it is possible to order Celin Cosmetics products online via Sephora (USA). But could you, please, tell me how it senses to buy a make-up product, particularly a concealer, without testing it before? It does not sound sensible.

My problem is about having serious dark circles under my eyes and I can not go out without using concealer. That's why I have been using Dior Anticerne Perfecteur Long-Wearing Moisturizing Concealer since 2002. And it was the best brand of concealer among all concealer brands for me. But last year Dior stopped its sales all over the world. Sadly, I have been searching for a replacement product and I have read so many positive comments about Celin concealer that i want to try it.

I would be grateful if you could send me four shades of them as testers (ivory, fair, light golden, medium beige). I am quite sure i will be satisfied with your concealer product but still i need choose the best color for me and order three tubes peacefully online.

Should you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Look forward to hearing from you soon

Lali · Answer

i wrote the new letter above before i saw your correction...

let's see what are my mistakes...

Lali · Answer

Dear Ms Cindy Incardon
I am writing to inquire information about Celin Cosmetics' products. I am especially interested in Celin concealer. Since I live in Athens, Greece, I can not find your products, even in Europe Sephoras. Of course it is possible to order Celin Cosmetics products online via Sephora (USA). But could you, please, tell me how it senses to buy a make-up product, particularly a concealer, without testing it before? It does not sound sensible.
My problem is about having serious dark circles under my eyes and I can not go out without using concealer. That's why I have been using Dior Anticerne Perfecteur Long-Wearing Moisturizing Concealer since 2002. And it was the best brand of concealer among all concealer brands for me. But last year Dior stopped its sales all over the world. Sadly, I have been searching for a replacement product and I have read so many positive comments about Celin concealer that i want to try it.
I would be grateful if you could send me four shades of them as testers (ivory, fair, light golden, medium beige). I am quite sure I will be satisfied with your concealer product but still I need choose the best color for me and order three tubes peacefully online.

Should you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Look forward to hearing from you soon

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hi again MountainHiker,

I got it all, thank you so much... You are right, the letter was written to solve a problem of my friend. She can not even know how to introduce herself in English. I don't say my english is perfect or I wouldn't be here to ask help you but still I accept my friend request to help her.

If it was not formal letter probably i wouldn't ask about it here but i wanted the letter to be considered by MS Cindy.

That's all

MountainHiker · Answer

I will highlight your touble spots.

Dear Ms Cindy Incardon

I am writing to inquire information about Celin Cosmetics' products. I am especially interested in Celin concealer. Since I live in Athens, Greece, I can not find your products, even in Europe Sephoras. Of course it is possible to order Celin Cosmetics products online via Sephora (USA). But could you, please, tell me how it senses to buy a make-up product, particularly a concealer, without testing it before? ~~It does not sound sensible.~~

My problem is about having serious dark circles under my eyes and I can not go out without using concealer. That's why I have been using Dior Anticerne Perfecteur Long-Wearing Moisturizing Concealer since 2002. ~~And~~ it was the best brand of concealer among all concealer brands for me. But last year Dior stopped its sales all over the world. Sadly, I have been searching for a replacement product and I have read so many positive comments about Celin concealer that i want to try it.

I would be grateful if you could send me four shades ~~of them~~ as testers (ivory, fair, light golden, medium beige). I am quite sure i (Capital I) will be satisfied with your concealer product but still i (Capital I) need to choose the best color for me and order three tubes peacefully (what is peacefully? Don't understand) online.

Should you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Look forward to hearing from you soon

Yes, better, but still requires work.

MountainHiker · Answer

I can't keep up with your messages and revisions.  Please do one at a time and then wait for a response.

Lali · Answer

OK, I am sorry I didn't know, you would reply it immediately I didn't want to be seem impatient. By the way did you mean "trouble spot" with "touble spot" or not? And what's wrong with yellow highlights that you marked on?

And about your question "I need to choose the best color for me and order three tubes peacefully (what is peacefully? Don't understand) online." I wrote peacefully because I don't know which color is perfect for me that's why i can not order it three tubes in once online. If I know the correct color/shade I can order it with an inner calm I meant.

Is it clear now?

MountainHikerI will highlight your touble spots.
Dear Ms Cindy Incardon
I am writing to inquire information about Celin Cosmetics' products. I am especially interested
in Celin concealer. Since I live in Athens, Greece, I can not find
your products, even in Europe Sephoras. Of course it is possible to
order Celin Cosmetics products online via Sephora (USA). But could you,
please, tell me how it senses to buy a make-up product, particularly a
concealer, without testing it before? It does not sound sensible.My
problem is about having serious dark circles under my eyes and I can
not go out without using concealer. That's why I have been using Dior
Anticerne Perfecteur Long-Wearing Moisturizing Concealer since 2002. And
it was the best brand of concealer among all concealer brands for me.
But last year Dior stopped its sales all over the world. Sadly, I have
been searching for a replacement product and I have read so many
positive comments about Celin concealer that i want to try it. I
would be grateful if you could send me four shades of them as testers
(ivory, fair, light golden, medium beige). I am quite sure i (Capital I) will be
satisfied with your concealer product but still i (Capital I) need to choose the best
color for me and order three tubes peacefully (what is peacefully? Don't understand) online.Should you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. Thank you for your time and consideration. Look forward to hearing from you soon Yes, better, but still requires work.

MountainHiker · Answer

But could you, please, tell me how it senses to buy a make-up product, particularly a concealer, without testing it before?

The sentence does not make sense. You are likely attempting to do a literal translation from a different language.

Moreover, your tone is somewhat rude. If the you are unable to buy a product in Athens, why are you asking the person to explain if it makes sense to purchase without testing?

Instead, ...

Before making a purchase, I want to test the concealer to make sure that I will be happy/satisifed.

My problem is about having serious dark circles under my eyes and I can not go out without using concealer.

The whole sentence is poor. "is about" doesn't make much sense.

I have dark circles under my eyes, so I need to use a concealer. The "serious dark circles"...."serious" is just clutter.

Peacefully? I have no clue.

My problem is about ... the is about doesn't sound right.

Please ensure you have paragraph breaks in your stuff. In your last post, it was just one string of text. I won't read it.

Lali · Answer

OK i've just read your reply... Thank you again...

No doubt you heard about the phrase "customer is always right" it is known all over the world. I wrote it beacuse of your critique below

"But could you, please, tell me how it senses to buy a make-up product, particularly a concealer, without testing it before?

The sentence does not make sense. You are likely attempting to do a literal translation from a different language.

Moreover, your tone is somewhat rude. If the you are unable to buy a product in Athens, why are you asking the person to explain if it makes sense to purchase without testing?"

My intention was not to be somewhat rude. But if I am a customer why can not i ask the person who works for the responsible company to explain if it makes sense to purchase without testing? Particularly If the product is sold in all Sephora Cosmetic shops where are in USA and in Canada but not in EU countries...

About having "serious dark circles" perhaps it is clutter but it is not mine word...All cosmetic brands use it for their concealer. Because the achievement is not to sell a simple concealer to be able to cover dark circles. The achievement is cover "serious dark circles" they tell all customers who are suffering from having unhealed and uncovered dark circles that they have under the eyes...

And about your other question "I need to choose the best color for me and order three tubes peacefully (what is peacefully? Don't understand) online."

Yes you are right again about doing a literal translation from a different language. I used the word "peacefully" because I don't know which color is perfect for me that's why i can not order it three tubes in once online. If I know the correct color/shade I can order it with an "inner peace"
I meant I could order the three tubes of the product with peace of mind without being mistaken.

You know "Peace of Mind" may refer to: The absence of mental stress or anxiety etc.

P.S: I argue neither you nor with your English knowledge. I just want to know how to wite it correctly and explain my reasons OK?

By the way I love cats too I feed 30 cats every day on the street. At least we have one thing in common.

Could you please check that writing for me ? i don't know where are my mistakes:(

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