Could you please check my essay? Thank you so much.

Topic:
The bar chart below shows a survey of a group of young professionals aged 20 - 30 who were asked to state which factors motivated them to succeed.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.

Answer:
The chart shows a survey of 20-30 aged professionals that were asked to state which are their motivating factors to success.

Generally, the most motivating factors are both from internal and external influences. Meanwhile, negative factors like fear of failure, envy, or feeling inadequate accounts for the least.

More than half of the attendants stated that personal satisfaction, ambition pressure from family and society are their factors motivating to success. In detail, personal satisfaction and ambition account for about 80%, as well as the highest percentage shown on the chart. The other two also do not has much difference in proportions, around 60%, and 70% respectively.

Both rivalry and desire for material things account for 50%, and followed by not-much-less percentages of peer pressure and money, at around 45% in both.

On the contrary, fear of failure, jealousy and feeling inadequate show humble percentages on the chart, which are also in the group that has the least proportions. They all account for under 40%, about 27%, 30%, and 33% respectively.