Could You Please Check My Essay? Thank You.

Hi

Here is my essay, I’m practising my writing for the IELTS exam. I'd appreciate it if you could check it and give me some comments.

best regards

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure.

What do you think are the causes of this?

What solutions can you suggest?

In this age, education became more and more expensive, which forcing students to work, but this affect their study negatively.

Lot of student find themselves obliged to work due to the height cost of scholarity, for example, several universities have risen their fee, in addition of accommodation and transportation expenses and the cost of books. which are very expensive for a young people, in particularly, those who have a poor family. and without doubt this will have bad impact on their result.

Therefore, I believe that the government should create solutions for this issue, firstly it should ban universities from rising their fee. Secondly, creating more schools an universities everywhere, especially in small towns and villages, so, students won't need expenses for transportation or accommodation, thirdly, provide scholarship for a poor students thus they can give their attention and effort in their education,

In conclusion, as the high cost of education forced students to work, I believe that the government should intervene to help student concentrate on their study and improve their results.