could you please check my essay?

Question

0Hello, I tried to write something else. I would be very grateful if somebody could check it, and give me any kind of suggestion to improve my writing.02br02br00Thanks a lot,02br02br00Chiara02br02br02br02br00If you were able to travel back to any place and time in history, where and when would you choose? 00Describe what you might experience and tell us why you would choose this particular place and time.02br02br02br02br02br02br00As human beings we can live in the present and plan our future in which we hopefully can see our dreams come true. But unfortunately nobody has made up a machine to travel to the past yet, but this is still one the most common dream.02br02br02br02br00Since I find creativity one of the nicest and most important aspect of human life, if I could travel to the past I would choose a period remarkable for its important artistic production as the beginning of the XX century in 00, which is one I know better.02br02br02br02br00Painters, sculptures were producing beautiful masterpieces in 00 at the time. New artistic movements were blossoming there, leaving a deep mark in all arts until today.02br02br00Picasso, Matisse, Van Gogh and many others deeply changed the sense of art giving the artist complete freedom to express himself.00 02br02br02br02br00It would have been so exciting for me visiting their astonishing exhibitions, watching the artists at work in their ateliers, surrounded by drawings, colours or pieces of stone. 02br02br02br02br00Unfortunately, as we know, most of them had a difficult life full of economical restrictions. This was also due to the fact that their art was not immediately understood and made them part of an outcast living in despair and illness.00 00Some of them had a very tragic life.02br02br02br02br00But still their work has been very important. Their art reflects their colourful imagination, their feelings and their very skilled craft. Its sense of beauty and truth are universal values which haven’t died with time passing by and they still deeply touch our soul.02br02br0-

St1ff · Accepted Answer

0 01blockquote

01cite10Chiara12cite10Hello, I tried to write something else. I would be very grateful if somebody could check it, and give me any kind of suggestion to improve my writing.12br
12br
10Thanks a lot,12br
12br
10Chiara12br
12br
10If you were able to travel back to any place and time in history, where and when would you choose? Describe what you might experience and tell us why you would choose this particular place and time.12br
12br
10As human beings we 11del~~10can12del~~10 live in the present and 11font10can12font10 plan our future in which we 11del~~10hopefully12del~~10 can 11font10hopefully make12font10 11del~~10see12del~~10 our dreams come true. 11font11del~~10But12del~~10 It's the most common dream to travel back in time, 12font10unfortunately nobody has 11del~~10made up12del~~10 11font10invented12font10 a 11font10time12font10machine 11del~~10to travel 10back 10to the past12del~~10 yet11del~~10, but this is still one the most common dream12del~~10.12br
12br
11del~~10Since12del~~10 11font10As12font10 I 11del~~10find12del~~10 11font10think12font11font10 that12font10 creativity 11font10is 12font10one of the nicest and most important aspect11font10s12font10 of human life, 11del~~10if I could travel to the past12del~~10 I would choose a period remarkable for its important artistic production11font10, if I could travel back in time.12font10 11font10This for example would be 12font11del~~10as12del~~10 the beginning of the XX century in Paris, 11del~~10which is12del~~10 one I know 11del~~10better12del~~10 11font10a lot about12font10.12br
12br
10Painters 11font10and12font10 sculpt11del~~10ure12del~~11font10or12font10s were producing beautiful masterpieces in Paris 11del~~10at the time12del~~10 11font10then12font10. New artistic movements were blossoming there, leaving a deep mark in all 11font10following 12font10arts, 11font10even12font10 until today.12br
12br
10Picasso, Matisse, Van Gogh and many others deeply changed the sense of art giving the artist complete freedom to express himself. 12br
12br
10It would 11del~~10have 12del~~10be11del~~10en12del~~10 so exciting for me 11font10to 12font10visit11del~~10ing12del~~10 their astonishing exhibitions, watch11del~~10ing12del~~10 the11font10se famous12font10 artists 11del~~10at12del~~10 work11font10ing12font10 in their ateliers, surrounded by drawings, colours or pieces of stone. 12br
12br
10Unfortunately, as we 11font10all12font10 know, most of them had a difficult life full of economical restrictions, 11font10caused by12font11del~~10. This was also due to12del~~10 the fact that their art was not immediately understood and made them part of an outcast living in despair and illness. 11font10Thus s12font10ome of them had a very tragic life.12br
12br
11del~~10But12del~~10 11font10However,12font10 11del~~10still12del~~10 their work 11font10still 12font10has been very important. Their art reflects their colourful imagination, their feelings and their very skilled craft. Its sense of beauty and truth are universal values which haven’t died with time passing by and they still deeply touch our soul.12br
12br
12blockquote

10nice style and thoughts, I hope I helped you a little bit, but I'm just a non-native speaking german student, so don't rely on it 050010id4

Chiara · Answer

0Hello, thank you for correcting my essay and for your nice words.02br
02br
00Just a question: I don't understand very well the following corrections. I've the impression that the first one doesn't sound ver much linked to the sentence before; the second one is probably just a different writing style we have: could it be?02br
02br
01font00It's the most common dream to travel back in time, 02font00unfortunately nobody has 01del~~00made up02del~~00 01font00invented02font00 a 01font00time02font00machine 01del~~00to travel 00back 00to the past02del~~00 yet01del~~00, but this is still one the most common dream.02del~~02br
02br
01del~~00Since02del~~00 01font00As02font00 I 01del~~00find02del~~00 01font00think02font01font00 that02font00 creativity 01font00is 02font00one of the nicest and most important aspect01font00s02font00 of human life, 01del~~00if I could travel to the past02del~~00 I would choose a period remarkable for its important artistic production01font00, if I could travel back in time.02font02br
02br
00Thank you so much again, and if someone wants to add corrections or any other suggestion, you're welcome!02br
02br
00Bye,02br
02br
00Chiara0-

St1ff · Answer

0 well for the first part I'd say that you have to change the order to keep the logic, but to connect both parts you should keep your "since" instead of my "as"0-

Chiara · Answer

0Hello St1ff, thank you for your answer.02br
02br
00Chiara0-

could you please check my essay?

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