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Mrwen00 Posted 7 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Could you help me to fix my essay?

Topic: Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay:

Since the development rapidly of the Internet and Social Media, people around the world have achieved many benefits from that such as easily accessing any information, knowledge and connecting people around the world. However, it still has some negative sides that we should consider and use it wisely.

First of all, we know that Facebook is the biggest social network in the world which has over 1 billion users using regularly. Many people from children to adults like to post, share all their memories, pictures and even their status into the social network. It's more fun when adding a friend and keep in touch with people around the world. For instance, my friend can easily know what I do and where I travel just simply browsing in a social network.

Nonetheless, there's still a lot of negative sides effect when sharing our content such as daily routine, personal pictures or emotion status on it. People can easily use your private information to scam others or even you'll be the victim. For example, some people use your identity to fake and scam money from others. Or they can use your private information to sell in the black market even occupy your account.

In general, social media give us many benefits from connecting friends, enjoying happiness with your friend at a far distance. But it should be careful about the public any private information to the unknown person and ignore any strangers want to add friend with you. We should always take care of ourselves in order to avoid the traps.

  

Top answer

Since the rapid development rapidly of the Internet and So cial M edia, people around the world have achieved (wrong word - realized) many benefits from that (comma) such as easily accessing any information, knowledge and connecting with people around the world. However, it still has some negative sides that we should consider and use it wisely. First of all, we know that Facebook is the biggest social network in the world .

  • Since the rapid development rapidly of the Internet and So cial M edia, people around the world have achieved (wrong word - realized) many benefits from that (comma) such as easily accessing any information, knowledge and connecting with people around the world.
  • However, it still has some negative sides that we should consider and use it wisely.
  • First of all, we know that Facebook is the biggest social network in the world .
  • It which has over 1 billion users who use it using regularly.
  • Many people from children to adults like to post, share all their memories, pictures and even their status into (wrong word ) the social network.
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1 Answers
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Since the rapid development rapidly of the Internet and Social Media, people around the world have achieved (wrong word - realized) many benefits from that (comma) such as easily accessi

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