Could you help me mark this letter writing ? and tell me where's my mistakes ?

Here it goes...

A few days ago you bought an item of electrical equipment ( for example, an mp3 player, a mobile phone, a games console ) Which now no longer works properly.

Write a letter to the customer service manager at the manufactures. In your letter you should ask for your replacement and also:

• Say what item is
• State when and where you bought it
• Give details of what has gone wrong with the item

You should write between 80 and 100 words. Write in full sentences. Do not put your address on the letter.

Here's what i have written....

Dear customer service manager

I have recently bought a xbox 360 from your gaming store which is located at vivo city on 1st May 2010. Unfortunately, the console broke down out of the blue. I tried to fix it on my own but nothing seems to works. I called up the store, they said it was an major error which i couldn't possibly fix it on my own. The disk tray couldn't come out no matter how many times i press the button.

To resolve the problem, i would like to send my xbox 360 to your company to fix it. I still have my warranty card with it.

Thank you for taking the time to read this letter. I have been a satisfied customer of your company for many years and this is the first time i encountered a problem. If you need to contact me, you can reach me at 93059340.

Sincerely

Signature

Andrew

So this is what i have written.. hope you can reply me soon thanks ! =)