Could you help me correct my ielts writing task 2. I am so glad to receive your comments

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

It is widely debated that companies should be responsible for following social duties as well as gaining profits. Personally, the firms should concentrate their competencies to generate revenues but I agree that they also have strong responsibilities for society.

On one hand, it is crucial that businesses should focus on earning money because of the benefits for both their own firms and societies. First, when it comes to earning big profits, the companies could expand and advance their production process so customers would access higher quality products with lower prices. In addition, the more prosperous the corporations thrive, the more successful employee lives become. In detail, people working in flourishing companies would not only get a sustainable salary and attendance bonus but also have higher job satisfaction. When the quality of each individual's life enhances, society would develop in many aspects.

On the other hand, besides prioritizing making money, companies should build a strong sense of social obligation because of the following reason. In particular, the majority of companies use resources from nature to operate so they have to play a vital role to protect the environment. Namely, without controls, the ecosystem would be affected in serious ways so the firms could not organize manufactured activities in the long run. Travelling industry can be an ideal example here, exostic destinations, stunning coastlines and breathtaking views would attract a large number of customers. If these destinations are overwhelmed with a ton of garbage, there will not be any visitors spending money to enjoy the views. So that the entrepreneurs should care for conserving pristine beauty so the companies would draw more people to visit.

In conclusion, besides building strategies to earn money, companies also have to take care of social responsibilities. I completely agree with this point because businesses could improve the quality of societies and their own firms through making money and develop long-lasting when they obligate social duties.