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Lucas21c Posted 14 years ago
Grammar

Could you help me?

Could you tell me how the following sentence sounds?
If it sounds unnatural, could you tell me why?
(You need not correct it because I already got a better sentence, corrected by another voluntary teacher.)
Since I couldn't find out any gramatical error in the following sentence for myself, I would like to know how it sounds.
Thank you.

Our goal is to build a business platform where events and meetings can easily be located online instead of relying on offline methods that other existing companies in event industry have done
  

Top answer

Hi, The whole thing sounds awkward. I'll just underline a few words that don't seem to fit well. Our goal is to build a business platform where events and meetings can easily be located online instead of relying on offline methods that other existing companies in event industry have done Clive

  • Hi, The whole thing sounds awkward.
  • I'll just underline a few words that don't seem to fit well.
  • Our goal is to build a business platform where events and meetings can easily be located online instead of relying on offline methods that other existing companies in event industry have done Clive
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13 Answers
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Hi,

The whole thing sounds awkward.
I'll just underline a few words that don't seem to fit well.

Our goal is to build a business platform where events and meetings can easily be located online instead of relying on offline methods that other exis
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Thank you for your help, Clive.
By the way, the following sentence is the corrected version of my original sentence. (Another voluntary teacher corrected it.)

Our goal is to build a business platform where events and meetings can easily be located online instead of relying on offline methods as other companies do.

As you see, "where" and "be located onlin
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Hi,

I feel that 'a platform' supports a system or application or site, and that it is the system or application or site that should be referred to via 'where'.

What does it actually mean if I 'locate a meeting online'? What kind of information would I find?

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lucas21cI couldn't find out any grammatical error
There is one. in the event industry
lucas21cI would like to know how it sounds.
Our goal is to build a business platform where events and meetings can easily be located online instead of relying on offline methods that other existing companies in eve
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Hi,

The platform is a website that enalbes people to easily find commercial and noncommercial events, meetings and parties.

You can get many informations about them there and than choose one that you are interested in and want to participate.
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Like this:

The platform is a website that enables people to easily find commercial and noncommercial events, meetings, and parties.

You can get a lot of information about them there and then choose the one that you are interested in and want to participate in.

This presentation is better than your previous one. In this case you
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Thank you for your comments, CalifJim.

By the way, the above sentences are not the one that I'd like to say, but an answer to Clive's question in his above comment.

Actually, I'd like to learn how to make my sentences more natural and fine, trailing differences between the native's wording and mine.

That's why I aked you about the original sentence and I thankfully alre
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lucas21cBy the way, the above sentences are not the one that I'd like to say, but an answer to Clive's question in his above comments.
Oh, OK. I guess I should have figured that out.

On the other hand, it seemed to me that you explained it better to Clive than you did in the original sentence.
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Thank you for your encouraging! Emotion: smile
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encouragement Emotion: smile

And you're welcome!

CJ

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