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Gia Nguyên Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Could you have a look at my essay? Thank you!

For some people, making a lot of money is an important goal. Others think that their free time is more important than wealth. Which is more important to you? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.
In these modern days, it is argued that earning a massive amount of money has a tendency to be considered playing an integral role in life as opposed to have more spare time. I totally assert with this viewpoint and have a great belief that it is always the most critical goal all the time.
To start with, there is no doubt about the fact that you can do nothing without money. Admittedly, being prosperous has the ability to facilitate numerous daily problems, accelerates the advancement in your career, and also benefits our society a great deal. To be more specific, a wealthy person can make a great contribution to the country such as building critical infrastructures and attending in the protection of environment. They also exert a positive effect on all aspects of life, leading to a rise in financial growth which is one of the most contributing factors influence the country's development.
Additionally, the process of earning money has a strong impact on your social skill's improvement day by day. You have to make every endeavor to fulfill the knowledge of acquisition, subsequently, your skills can be developed bit by bit. To the best of my knowledge, money brings about happiness in life as these aforementioned reasons. However, many find it profoundly hard to be wealthy in their ongoing life. In fact, it is partially true and not as impossible as exaggerated so long as you know the right way to achieve the wealth.
To draw a conclusion, after analysing cautiously, I fully endorse all aspects of this point of views. It is clear that possessing a mixed variety of money is for your own sake. The more money you earn, the better your living standard as well as your offspring future become.
(295 words totally)

  

Top answer

I did not understand several of your points. You write a lot of words, but there is not much sensible meaning in them. Please state your ideas clearly and simply.

  • I did not understand several of your points.
  • You write a lot of words, but there is not much sensible meaning in them.
  • Please state your ideas clearly and simply.
  • That will make your score go up.
  • You use many high-level words, but you do not use them accurately.
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1 Answers
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I did not understand several of your points. You write a lot of words, but there is not much sensible meaning in them. Please state your ideas clearly and simply. That will make your score go up. You use many high-level words, but you do not use them accurately.


In these modern days, it is argued that earning a lot massive amount

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