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Riglos Posted 21 years ago
Grammar
Could you have a look at my corrections?
This is an assignement I corrected and I'd appreciate it if some of you could have a look at it and tell me what you think of my corrections. It concerns a Memo sent to the CEO of a company. My comments and corrections will be in red, as well as some questions I posed:
Student's homework:
Regarding the problems you asked me, I find out three main issues:
a) Quality Control: Many subsidiaries make clothes with poor materials.
b) Responding to customer needs: Subsidiaries cannot respond to some special customers' needs, such as short-term orders or last minute changes to clothing.
c) Design: Lack of new designs, ideas are not shared by between different subsidiaries designers.
I propose the following course of action with its corresponding rationale: I propose the following solutions, each with its corresponding rationale:
1) Ensure the use of high quality materials, even against the costs increase. It's better to slightly increase the prices and keep the clients.
2) Make a further analisys of the production processes. It's surely possible to tune (tune out = ignore?)some steps and _________ bureaucracy.
3) Hire new designers and increase the communication between them. Also, move some designers to other countries, so they will be motivated with the new customs.
If you need further detail we can schedule a meeting.
My version:
Regarding the problems you asked me about / to solve / to sort out, I find out (I would croos "out" out) three main issues to deal with / to be dealt with (which is best? why?):
a) Quality Control (control): Many subsidiaries make clothes with poor materials.
b) Responding to customer needs (this is OK, but why don't we need an 's as in "customer's needs" here? Is it because customer is a noun modifying another noun and, therefore, functioning as an adjective? Or is it just a fixed expression? Or both? In any case, would it be wrong to put it as "customer's needs"?: Subsidiaries cannot respond to some special customers' needs (I think this is OK, but what would be the difference with the previous "customer needs"? Are we referring to two different things? Besides, in the book the two expressions appear), such as short-term orders or last minute changes (short term and last minute are adjectives, right?) to clothing.
c) Design: Lack of new designs, (.) Ideas ideas are not shared between different subsidiaries (I would include the ' here, thus, different subsidiaries', or would it be better to write designers of / from different subsidiaries?)designers.
I propose the following course of action with its corresponding rationale: / I propose the following solutions, each with its corresponding rationale: (Is this correction OK or unnecessary? Does it add up to clarity?
1) Ensure the use of high quality materials, even against the costs increase (What about this case? Would even against "the increase in costs" be better? Or "the increase of costs"? What's the difference between the former sentence and the latter? Can "the costs increase" be taken as a noun (with adjectival function) + another noun? Or should we say the costs' increase?). It's better to slightly increase the prices (would you explain further which prices we are speaking about or is it clear enough the way it is? I'd say "It's better to increase the budget for materials") and keep the clients.
2) Make a further analisys (analysis) of the production processes. It's surely possible to tune (tune out = ignore?) some steps and _________ ("avoid"? I'm not sure what word he is looking for) bureaucracy.
3) Hire new designers and increase (would "encourage" be better?) the (I would avoid the use of the determiner here, I'm just not sure about the reason for doing so. Any ideas?) communication between (I'd write "among", since we're speaking of maore than two people) them. Also, move some designers to other countries, so they will be motivated with (by?) the new customs (I'm not sure about the word "customs" here. Is it OK?).
If you need further detail (details) we can schedule a meeting.
Can you spot any other mistakes?
Thanks a lot!
Mara.
Student's homework:
Regarding the problems you asked me, I find out three main issues:
a) Quality Control: Many subsidiaries make clothes with poor materials.
b) Responding to customer needs: Subsidiaries cannot respond to some special customers' needs, such as short-term orders or last minute changes to clothing.
c) Design: Lack of new designs, ideas are not shared by between different subsidiaries designers.
I propose the following course of action with its corresponding rationale: I propose the following solutions, each with its corresponding rationale:
1) Ensure the use of high quality materials, even against the costs increase. It's better to slightly increase the prices and keep the clients.
2) Make a further analisys of the production processes. It's surely possible to tune (tune out = ignore?)some steps and _________ bureaucracy.
3) Hire new designers and increase the communication between them. Also, move some designers to other countries, so they will be motivated with the new customs.
If you need further detail we can schedule a meeting.
My version:
Regarding the problems you asked me about / to solve / to sort out, I find out (I would croos "out" out) three main issues to deal with / to be dealt with (which is best? why?):
a) Quality Control (control): Many subsidiaries make clothes with poor materials.
b) Responding to customer needs (this is OK, but why don't we need an 's as in "customer's needs" here? Is it because customer is a noun modifying another noun and, therefore, functioning as an adjective? Or is it just a fixed expression? Or both? In any case, would it be wrong to put it as "customer's needs"?: Subsidiaries cannot respond to some special customers' needs (I think this is OK, but what would be the difference with the previous "customer needs"? Are we referring to two different things? Besides, in the book the two expressions appear), such as short-term orders or last minute changes (short term and last minute are adjectives, right?) to clothing.
c) Design: Lack of new designs, (.) Ideas ideas are not shared between different subsidiaries (I would include the ' here, thus, different subsidiaries', or would it be better to write designers of / from different subsidiaries?)designers.
I propose the following course of action with its corresponding rationale: / I propose the following solutions, each with its corresponding rationale: (Is this correction OK or unnecessary? Does it add up to clarity?
1) Ensure the use of high quality materials, even against the costs increase (What about this case? Would even against "the increase in costs" be better? Or "the increase of costs"? What's the difference between the former sentence and the latter? Can "the costs increase" be taken as a noun (with adjectival function) + another noun? Or should we say the costs' increase?). It's better to slightly increase the prices (would you explain further which prices we are speaking about or is it clear enough the way it is? I'd say "It's better to increase the budget for materials") and keep the clients.
2) Make a further analisys (analysis) of the production processes. It's surely possible to tune (tune out = ignore?) some steps and _________ ("avoid"? I'm not sure what word he is looking for) bureaucracy.
3) Hire new designers and increase (would "encourage" be better?) the (I would avoid the use of the determiner here, I'm just not sure about the reason for doing so. Any ideas?) communication between (I'd write "among", since we're speaking of maore than two people) them. Also, move some designers to other countries, so they will be motivated with (by?) the new customs (I'm not sure about the word "customs" here. Is it OK?).
If you need further detail (details) we can schedule a meeting.
Can you spot any other mistakes?
Thanks a lot!
Mara.
Top answer
Hi Mara, My comments and corrections are in blue. This is an assignement I corrected and I'd appreciate it if some of you could have a look at it and tell me what you think of my corrections. It concerns a Memo sent to the CEO of a company.
- Hi Mara, My comments and corrections are in blue.
- This is an assignement I corrected and I'd appreciate it if some of you could have a look at it and tell me what you think of my corrections.
- It concerns a Memo sent to the CEO of a company.
- My comments and corrections will be in red, as well as some questions I posed: Student's homework: Regarding the problems you asked me about , I have identified three main issues: a) Quality Control: Many subsidiaries make clothes with poor materials.
- b) Responding to customer needs: Subsidiaries cannot respond to some special customers' needs, such as short-term orders or last minute changes to clothing.
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1 Answers
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Hi Mara,
My comments and corrections are in blue.
This is an assignement I corrected and I'd appreciate it if some of you could have a look at it and tell me what you think of my corrections. It concerns a Memo sent to the CEO of a company. My comments and corrections will be in red, as well as some
My comments and corrections are in blue.
This is an assignement I corrected and I'd appreciate it if some of you could have a look at it and tell me what you think of my corrections. It concerns a Memo sent to the CEO of a company. My comments and corrections will be in red, as well as some
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