Could You Give Some Comments On My IELTS Writing Task 1?

Question

The bar chart illustrates the findings of a survey on people's coffee and tea purchasing and consumption habits in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart.

Overall, it can be noticeable that going to a cafe for coffee or tea is a most popular way of drinking in most cities in last 4 weeks except Adelaide, while they bought instant coffee in last 4 weeks.

According to the chart, resident in Sydney, Melbourne and Hobart are the most likely to drink coffee or tea in a cafe, with more than 60% of them in last 4 weeks. The second popular way of drinking is buying instant coffee, which is chosen by considerably more than 50% by Brisbane, and almost reach to 55% by Hobart people in last 4 weeks.

On the other hand, buying fresh coffee not that popular in Brisbane and Adelaide with about 8% less than Hobart. Its figure is higher in Sydney with approximately 44% and Melbourne around with 42%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The bar chart illustrates (not a good word - what is plotted on the bar chart?) the findings of a survey on people's coffee and tea purchasing and consumption habits in Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide and Hobart.

Overall, ~~it can be noticeable that~~ (These are "filler" words. They convey no information. Delete them.)

Overall, ~~it can be noticeable that~~ (These are "filler" words. They convey no information. Delete them.) going to a cafe for coffee or tea is a ~~most~~ popular way of drinking these beverages in most cities in the last 4 weeks (This information needs to be inn the first paragraph.) except Adelaide, while they bought instant coffee in last 4 weeks. (Ungrammatical, repetitive)

~~According to the char~~t, (These are "filler" words. They convey no information. Delete them.) resident (wrong form) in Sydney, Melbourne and Hobart are ~~the~~ most likely to drink coffee or tea in a cafe, with more than 60% of them in last 4 weeks. (Ungrammatical, repetitive) The second popular way ~~of drinking~~ is buying instant coffee, which is chosen by considerably more than 50% by (wrong word) Brisbane, and almost reach to (wrong word) 55% by Hobart people in last 4 weeks. (Ungrammatical, repetitive)

~~On the other hand,~~ buying fresh coffee not that popular (ungrammatical. Missing verb) in Brisbane and Adelaide with about 8% less than Hobart. Its figure (wrong word) is higher in Sydney with approximately 44% and Melbourne around with (wrong expression) 42%.

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. It discusses many of the mistakes in your writing.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

This sample essay is too long (270 words), but it will give you ideas about avoiding repeated phrases. It will also give you some vocabulary words to study.

A survey was conducted in five cities in Australia (Adelaide, Brisbane, Hobart, Melbourne, and Sydney) asking residents if they had purchased tea or coffee in the past four weeks. The bar chart plots the proportion of residents in each of the cities who responded positively for each of these three questions: 1) Did you buy fresh coffee? 2) Did you buy instant coffee? and 3) Did you go to a café to drink tea or coffee?

Overall, the highest percentages in each city were for the people who had gone to a café. Except for Adelaide, the majority of residents in each city had done this. In second place were the instant coffee buyers, the city of Adelaide being the exception with slightly less than half.

In detail, the cities of Sydney, Hobart and Melbourne had the highest proportions on the chart; more than six of every ten people there had recently enjoyed a cup of tea or coffee in a café. On the other extreme, the cities of Brisbane and Adelaide had the lowest percentages; in particular, about one-third (34%) were buyers of fresh coffee. Generally, people in these five cities bought instant coffee more than fresh coffee, and the gap could be fairly wide. As an example, in Brisbane, the gap was nearly 20%, 52% to 34%. In Adelaide, about half the residents both bought instant coffee (50%) and frequented a café, (49%). That was the smallest difference between three categories in all the cities. And in three of the cities, a half or more had purchased instant coffee; these were Hobart (54%), Brisbane (53%) and Adelaide (50%).

Could You Give Some Comments On My IELTS Writing Task 1?

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