Could you give me some suggentions about my essays?

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For successful development of a country, should a government focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?      Given the choose between agreeing or disagreeing with the statement that government should focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities, which one do I choose? Some people believe that the answer is positive. However, I totally disagree that government should focus its budget more on very young children education rather than on universities. There are three reasons stated below.      First of all, it is in terms of children's personality that personality plays a important role in success. Take my cousin experience as an example, I remember when he was five years old, he was a naughty boy and always liked to bully other children which were younger and weaker than him. Everyone is worried that he will be a rascal while he grows up. Luckily, his teacher came up with a idea teaching him how to play the piano. To my surprised, not only did my cousin like playing the piano, he didn't bully or annoy other children again. Hence, I realize that the earlier the children be taught, the better the children's personality. Government should spends more budget in investing the school by hiring more musical teacher with a view to having the children’ personality better.

Fandorin · Accepted Answer

wreckday For successful development of a country, should a government spend the budget more on very young children education rather than on universities?

Given the choice that government should spend the budget more on very young children education rather than on universities, which one will I choose? Some people believe that the answer is the first. However, I will not be so strict in my judgements about what side to take. And there are three reasons for that.

First of all, children's personality plays a important role in success. Taking my cousin experience as an example, I remember that he was five years old and was a naughty boy and always liked to bully other children which were younger and weaker than him. Everyone was worried that he would be a rascal while he was growing up. Luckily, his teacher came up with a idea of teaching him how to play the piano. Surprisingly, not only did my cousin like playing the piano, he ceased bullying or annoy other children any longer. Hence, I realized that the earlier the children are taught, the better the children's personality. In my opinion the government should spend more money on funding schools by hiring talented teachers and developing their abilities to see children's talents earlier.

Moreover, according to the recently report, the younger children are, the more perceptive memory they have. While children are young, they are eager to explore the unknown world. If we have them contact different things, they will find their interest and continually practice it. In addition, young children absorb new information easier because of a better memory. As a result, government should pay more attention to the young children.

Finally, it is not necessary that every citizen should go to university. Teachers give young children knowledge of how recognize words, solve problems and searchinformation. When children grow up, they have ability to learn anything by themselves. Therefore, government should provide young children with more money in order to improve fundamental education. In addition, on no account do all careers need a skill or knowledge through going to university.

....

I have not corrected your last statement as it seemed controversial to me.You are giving reasons against spending significant amounts of money on high education and pointing out that the yonger children are, the earlier we should concentrate on their abilities and nurture their interests and, therefore, we have to invest money in that direction. In the end, you're against spending more money on that. How is that?

Wreckday · Answer

Sorry, the first and the last sentencies are both ilogical.

I made a careless mistake.

Wreckday · Answer

Thank you a lot.

It took you much time to read my essay and help me to revise it.

Clive · Answer

Hi,

Try another, if you like.

Clive

Free_spirit · Answer

Also:

"Take my cousin's experience as an example..."

"....other children ~~which~~ who were younger..."

"Everyone is worried that he will be a rascal while [or when?] he grows up."
(while is during his growing up, and when implies he will be a 'rascal' when he is an adult)
This paragraph isn't too clear as to the tense. First you say, "I remember..." which appears to locate it in the past. Then you saying "Everyone is worried...", which locates it in the present.

"...the earlier ~~the~~ that children be are taught..."

"The government should spends more ~~budget~~ money..." or
"The government should increase the budget to allow the school to hire more music teachers..."

"...according to ~~the~~ a recently report..."

"If we have them ~~contact~~ experience different things..."

"...young children absorb new information more easily..." or
"...young children absorb new information ~~more~~ easier..."

"...government should pay more attention to ~~the~~ young children."
(I don't believe you need an article, unless you are talking about a specific group of young children, or a specific school that requires this funding. If you are talking about young children in general, then simply "young children" is sufficient.)

"...it is not necessary that every citizens [should] go to university." (in an academic paper you may want to say "study at university.")

"Teachers give young children a lot of knowledge, such as ~~like~~ recognizing ~~the~~ words, solving ~~the~~ problems, and searching for [/ researching / finding] information."

And yes, your finally sentence needs a little bit of work.

Could you give me some suggentions about my essays?

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