Could you give me advice on how to improve my poem as of now, and please comment
How do I mend a broken heart? By:Tee
How do I mend a broken heart
My entire world has fallen apart
Everything has gone numb
Everything hurts
I want to run away and hide
From all the pain, caused by everyone
Love will do you more harm than good
If only I knew this from the start
How do I mend a broken heart
I want to scream
I want to cry
Why can't I move on like her
I tried so hard
I tried my best
I gave it my best
Now there's nothing left
How do I mend a broken heart
Even my best friend is gone
Why does everyone I know leave
Does everyone hate me
Is there something wrong with me
I don't understand
It hearts do much
The aching pain in my heart
And yet I keep hurting myself
And my friends judge me
And now there's no one left
How do I mend a broken heart
I don't hate you
I can't
Used to daydream of what we could be
I still love you
But I can't look at you
Because it hurts
And now he's with you
And I'm left alone
To sit in my despair
How do I mend a broken heart
You don't .......
Top answer
Poetry should be posted in our Poetry Forum, not in our Grammar forum. Your piece is broken into arbitrary short lines, but it does not read like poetry: it has no internal rhythm. It seems like the cliched outpourings of someone soon after an emotional breakup.
- Poetry should be posted in our Poetry Forum, not in our Grammar forum.
- Your piece is broken into arbitrary short lines, but it does not read like poetry: it has no internal rhythm.
- It seems like the cliched outpourings of someone soon after an emotional breakup.
- Wait six months and then review your own poem again.
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Poetry should be posted in our Poetry Forum, not in our Grammar forum.
Your piece is broken into arbitrary short lines, but it does not read like poetry: it has no internal rhythm. It seems like the cliched outpourings of someone soon after an emotional breakup. Wait six months and then review your own poem again.
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