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Masanori Takaoka Posted 10 years ago
Grammar
Could you correct this writing?
Why do you think teenage crimes have increased?
I point out two reasons why the number of teenage crimes has been increasing. First, TV game is a primary reason. Although it has become more popular than ever, there are a lot of problems in playing it. One problem is that it can contain violence. Watching violent scene may cause children to learn this kind of behavior. Second, family situation today affects teenagers. For example, children whose parents have got divorced have fewer opportunities to communicate with their parents. When a child feels lonely or isolated, they could behave bad to draw other people’s attention.
I point out two reasons why the number of teenage crimes has been increasing. First, TV game is a primary reason. Although it has become more popular than ever, there are a lot of problems in playing it. One problem is that it can contain violence. Watching violent scene may cause children to learn this kind of behavior. Second, family situation today affects teenagers. For example, children whose parents have got divorced have fewer opportunities to communicate with their parents. When a child feels lonely or isolated, they could behave bad to draw other people’s attention.
Top answer
Don't talk about yourself; directly answer the question: There are two reasons why teenage crimes are increasing. TV games are the primary reason. Although they are more popular than ever, there are a lot of problems in playing them.
- Don't talk about yourself; directly answer the question: There are two reasons why teenage crimes are increasing.
- TV games are the primary reason.
- Although they are more popular than ever, there are a lot of problems in playing them.
- One is that they contain violence, and watching violent scenes may cause children to learn this kind of behavior.
- Second, family situations today affect teenagers.
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3 Answers
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Don't talk about yourself; directly answer the question:
There are two reasons why teenage crimes are increasing.
TV games are the primary reason. Although they are more popular than ever, there are a lot of problems in playing them. One is that they contain violence, and watching violent scenes may cause children to learn this kind of behavior.
Second,
There are two reasons why teenage crimes are increasing.
TV games are the primary reason. Although they are more popular than ever, there are a lot of problems in playing them. One is that they contain violence, and watching violent scenes may cause children to learn this kind of behavior.
Second,
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Thank you for the correction.
Mister MicawberDon't talk about yourself; directly answer the question:Do you mean I don't have to say "I point out ..."?
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Masanori TakaokaDo you mean I don't have to say "I point out ..."?Yes, that's right. In essay writing assignments, try to keep 'I' out of it; just state the facts or opinions.
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