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Tenacious Learner Posted 14 years ago
Grammar

Could you correct this paragraph please?

Hi teachers,
I would be very grateful if you would take a look at these paragraphs and see if you agree with them. If not, please suggest some alternatives.

London 1897, four centuries later.
Jonathan Parker is a lawyer who works in a lawyer's office. He is engaged with her bride (better fiance), Mina, but he has to travel to Rumania to sale a house. After a long trip, he arrives at Dracula's Castle.
Jonathan meets Count Dracula and he shocks him. After dinner they sign the contract of sale and purchase. Then, while they talk, Dracula watches a portarit of Mina, then he discovers that she is like her dead wife.
Dracula's Castle's nights are very sinister, so Jonathan can't sleep very well.

Thanks in advance.

Aside: Will there be a better word for 'lawyer's office' in we are in 1897.
'He shocks him' is not very clear. How about, 'He is shocked by Dracula'?
  

Top answer

Londo n, 1897, four centuries later. Jonathan Parker is a lawyer engaged to Mina. He travels to Rumania to sell a house , and after the long trip, he arrives at Count Dracula's castle.

  • Londo n, 1897, four centuries later.
  • Jonathan Parker is a lawyer engaged to Mina.
  • He travels to Rumania to sell a house , and after the long trip, he arrives at Count Dracula's castle.
  • Jonathan meets the count, who shocks him.
  • After dinner they sign the sales agreement, and then while they talk, Dracula looks at a portrait of Mina and discovers that she resembles his dead wife.
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2 Answers
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London, 1897, four centuries later.

Jonathan Parker is a lawyer engaged to Mina. He travels to Rumania to sell a house, and after the long trip, he arrives at Count Dracula's castle. Jonathan meets the count, who shocks him. After dinner they sign the sales agreement, and then while they talk, Dracula looks at a portrait
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Hi Mister Micawber,
Thank you very much for your correction and explanations.

TS

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