Could you correct these sentences, please?

Question

The cave expands into a series of huge rooms. From a small opening on the side of the mountain, approximately one mile from the entrance, in a room called 'The Council Room', many artifacts have been found.

I feel like there are too many commas in there and the first sentence seems incomplete.

Thank you so much for your help.

MrGuedes · Accepted Answer

I think those sentences are OK.

AnonymousI feel like there are too many commas in there and the first sentence seems incomplete.

I don't think three commas in a 28-word sentence is too many... The sentence sounds OK to me.

The first sentence also seems OK to me. It has a subject, an intransitive verb, and a complement. It doesn't feel incomplete.

AnonymousThank you so much for your help.

You're welcome!

CalifJim · Answer

Anonymous The cave expands into a series of huge rooms. From a small opening on the side of the mountain, approximately one mile from the entrance, in a room called 'The Council Room', many artifacts have been found.I feel like there are too many commas in there and the first sentence seems incomplete. Thank you so much for your help.

The order seems wrong. You begin in the cave, where it expands into rooms. Then, it seems, you go back outside the cave to tell us how to find the cave on the side of a mountain. It seems to me that these two facts should be told in the reverse order somehow. It's no use talking about commas until you find a better way to present your facts. What I mean is that your rewrite may have entirely different comma problems or none at all.

CJ

Robert Marmaduke · Answer

CJ Key is the first sentence. "The cave expands into a series of huge rooms." Caves have great linear extent, some running for many miles.

So the sentence is correct, but Anonymous is right, the commas are choppy: "From a small opening on the side of the mountain, (and) approximately one mile from the entrance, (you find yourself ) in a room called 'The Council Room', (where) many artifacts have been found."

By using conjunctions with the commas you bridge the jump-cuts, and by adding 'you find yourself', you have drawn the reader in.
Now they are in the Council Room with your narrative, and you can take them wherever you want in fiction.

MrGuedes · Answer

Robert MarmadukeAnonymous is right, the commas are choppy: "From a small opening on the side of the mountain, (and) approximately one mile from the entrance, (you find yourself ) in a room called 'The Council Room', (where) many artifacts have been found."

I don't think those additions are necessary. The commas are OK, and your correction doesn't remove any of them. Your correction changes the "main clause" to the third one (where "The Council Room" is presented), when the original sentence had it in the last clause. I don't think such a change is needed.

Could you correct these sentences, please?

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