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Emib Posted 19 years ago
Grammar

Could you correct my composition?

Hi all! I need you to correct this composition I did. I was asked to write a letter (I guess it's got to be formal) about a camp in Canada, I would be a L.I.T. (I didn't found this word on the net related to camps) and tell the parents what their kids are going to do and what they sould bring). It's American English. Thank you so much. (please, tell me if there's any mistake in the text below too).

Dear Sirs and Madams,

We are writing to advice you about what your children should bring to our Summer Camp in Canada and what activities they will take part in.

First of all, we recommend you to give your children a sleeping bag due to the lack of sheets and because it is not very warm at night. It would be useful for them to bring a flashlight in order to be able to find some things at night or not to get lost on a night trip (I mean, going to the mountain and so on). It's not very hot where your children will spend their vacation so they will (I can't figure out another auxiliary verb, maybe "could") wear shorts, t-shirts and tennis shoes.

The activities scheduled for these three weeks are:

  • On Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Saturday afternoons we will go hiking, fishing or canoeing.

  • On Tuesday. Thursday and Sunday afternoons we will play football, tennis or basketball.

  • During the mornings, we will go to a swimming pool and a lake so kids can play in the water.


  • Some days we will visit some cities so they can know new towns.
We are really sure that your children will have a lot of fun and will want to come back next summer.

Yours Faithfully
  

Top answer

Very good. I have underlined some words or phrases that need work: Dear Sirs and Madams , [ I'd use 'Parents' ] We are writing to advice you about what your children should bring to our S ummer C amp in Canada and what activities they will take part in. First of all, we recommend you to give your children a sleeping bag due to the lack of sheets and because it is not very warm at night.

  • Very good.
  • I have underlined some words or phrases that need work: Dear Sirs and Madams , [ I'd use 'Parents' ] We are writing to advice you about what your children should bring to our S ummer C amp in Canada and what activities they will take part in.
  • First of all, we recommend you to give your children a sleeping bag due to the lack of sheets and because it is not very warm at night.
  • It would be useful for them to bring a flashlight in order to be able to find some things at night or not to get lost on a night trip.
  • It's not very hot where your children will spend their vacation, so they should wear shorts, t-shirts and tennis shoes.
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3 Answers
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Very good. I have underlined some words or phrases that need work:

Dear Sirs and Madams, [I'd use 'Parents']

We are writing to advice you about what your children should bring to our Summer Camp in Canada and what activities they will take part in.

First of all, we recommend you to give your children a sleeping bag
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Thank you very much Mister Micawber. What words would you use instead of the underlined ones?

advice ==> advise. I guess "advice" is a noun and "advise" the verb.
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I was hoping you would find the words yourself, Emib, but I would use: experience, your children, avoid getting, their, because of, and equip with.

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