Could you check my writing?

Question

I made the following to memorize expressions and vocabulary which I learned. So the context might be unnatural. I put the bold on vocabulary which I learned.

I'm having a talk with my friend on the phone in my car. Just then my car gained speed suddenly. I stuck my head out of the window of the car and I caught a sight of a cat. I couldn't believe my eyes. The cat was giving my car a push! I shouted at the cat to stop it but the cat seemed not to hear me. Soon my car was given a slight hit on a tree. I got angry very much. / I got so angry. I got out and came up to the cat.
"Hey! What are you doing! / What did you do!"
The cat said biting its nails.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, sir. I just needed to help you. But I didn't meant it."
"What was happening?"
Then, there was a big noise. It made them put a stop to the conversation.
"You'd better send someone to ask for help right now!"
I called my friend.
"You need to help me."

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

domdomI'm having a talk with

This would be better as I'm talking to.

domdomThe cat was giving my car a push!

Unless you are talking about an aggressive, adult example of a lion, tiger, or jaguar; this seems very unlikely and weird.

domdomSoon my car was given a slight hit on a tree.

This is odd and not a common thing to say. What do you mean?

Domdom · Answer

AnonymousUnless you are talking about an aggressive, adult example of a lion, tiger, or jaguar; this seems very unlikely and weird.

Do you mean it doesn't make sense that a cat is acting like a person?

AnonymousThis is odd and not a common thing to say. What do you mean?

My English exercise book is saying that "a slight hit on his arm" and "give something a big hit". And then I used them. I am trying to say in my writing that "the car hit a tree".

Anonymous · Answer

domdomDo you mean it doesn't make sense that a cat is acting like a person?

Not only that, it's not likely that any cat other than an adult lion, tiger, or jaguar would have any chance of pushing a car. Even those, three kinds might not have enough strength to do it.

If you are writing something that is not set in normal reality, like a paranormal or fantasy story, then it would not be so weird. It might even be expected but, you would have to make that context clear.

domdomMy English exercise book is saying that "a slight hit on his arm" and "give something a big hit". And then I used them.

This raises an important point in language learning. There is a difference between learning something and understanding it. Learning without understanding, is not enough. You can say those quotes but, the way that you used "Soon my car was given a slight hit on a tree." is odd and uncommon.

domdomI am trying to say in my writing that "the car hit a tree".

In that case, it would be better to write something like "Soon my car hit a tree."

Do you mean that the car did not hit a tree very hard? If so, you could write "Soon my car hit a tree, but not very hard."

Domdom · Answer

Thank you for your reply.=) So no more unnatural things in my writing? Could you please check my writing if you there is anything wrong?

Anonymous · Answer

domdomThank you for your reply.=) So no more unnatural things in my writing? Could you please check my writing if you there is anything wrong?

You can write about unnatural things, if you make it clear at the beginning, that it is what you have written about.

Domdom · Answer

But I just wrote it without meaning because I just needed to review some expresses or vocabulary which I had learned. So I just wrote it down extemporaneously..

Could you check my writing?

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions