Could you check my reference letter for me, please?

I asked my two teachers to write a reference letter for me for a university admission but they all said that I should write my own reference letters by myself... The problem was, I don't know what to say exactly. However, finally I wrote the re-letters.... I have never written a reference letter or something before... so I'm sure that I made so many mistakes
Sooo I really do appreciate of anyone could check it for me.   Many thanks!

To Whom It May Concern:

It is my privilege to recommend XX for admission to your university program. As her Math teacher for three years, I found her to be a conscientious and hardworking student. XX was an outstanding member of one of the first Math classes I taught at XX High School and she was a well rounded student that has always excelled academically. 


XX’s work on the problem sets and exams demonstrated careful attention to detail. She was also able and willing to articulate her questions about the more abstract notions of set theory, a genuine asset for many of her classmates and the class dynamic as a whole.

XX is an extremely personable young lady who seems equally comfortable with her peers. She has talked with me about her goal of becoming business manager when she was at 1st grade of High school, and I have enjoyed seeing such enthusiasm in an undergraduate about a professional career. XX’s commitment to the field and her hard work in pursuing her goals will serve her well in Business school. 

As a versatile young lady, XX has actively participated in a diverse assortment of competitions, which were organized at our school, such as Japanese and Mongolian speech contests, annual chess tournaments, poetry and essay contests, Volleyball competitions etc… and she won all the competitions above. I have been always impressed by her hard work and dedication towards studies and other activities. She is an active player in whatever she takes up.

Furthermore, I have to point out that she got the highest scores in the National Higher Education Entrance examination in two subjects, Mathematic and English. She is motivated, energetic, bright and above all a very genuine, compassionate person. Her grades have always been in the top of her class in all of her courses.

XX is not only an excellent student, but she is also personally delightful. She is as comfortable with herself as she is engaging, pleasant and humorous. As I got to know over 3 years, I became more impressed by the wide range of her abilities- and by her modesty about them.
If your undergraduate business program is seeking superior candidates with a record of achievement, XX is an excellent choice. She has consistently demonstrated an ability to rise to any challenge that she must face.

I wholeheartedly recommend XX to your program and wish her the very best in all future endeavours.

Sincerely,

To whom it may concern 2:

It is my pleasure to recommend XX for admission in your university. As her guidance counselor for over a year, I have been a witness to her growth both in academics, interpersonal relationship and in extra-curricular activities.

XX is intelligent, compassionate and well rounded. Her grades have consistently been above average in all her courses, and she has actively participated in different extra-curricular activities that have piqued her interests. For instance, she is a class leader and a leading member of the club called ‘Young managers’ which organizes a variety of activities among the students at the MBA faculty, the main goal of the club is to activate the MBA students. As a result of their organization, I can clearly see the stunning results which are being built by them.

In addition, XX also dedicated some of her time volunteering at TUNZA-NEAYEN in Mongolia. She felt volunteering was an important leadership role, in which she learned social, relationship and communicating skills. The skills acquired through volunteering will be beneficial to all of XX’s future endeavors. Obviously, XX is not one to follow the crowd. She is confident in pursuing her interests, regardless of whether they are considered "cool" or not. Still, she is well-liked by her peers as well as the faculty and staff here. 

I feel very proud to mention here that despite a very competitive environment she became one of the best 30 students by Microeconomics studies in Mongolia since five students of her team participated in ‘The National Microeconomics Olympiad 2010’ and they qualified one of the best six teams in the country. XX has an unending enthusiasm for higher studies and an unrivalled thirst for knowledge in her chosen field of study.

When I think of a leader, I think of XX. She is the ideal leader in the sense that she never expects anything of her classmates that she would not expect of herself.

In summary, Ms XX is clearly the best student both academically and personally. I would very much like her recommend to your undergraduate business program. Even though I hope she stays here, I think she would be an outstanding asset to your program. I give her my highest recommendation.

Sincerely,