could you check and correct this translation please?

Question

One day, the king gave a ball for the princess. The ballroom was full of nice foods and beautiful music. People enjoyed them and chatted with each other with pleasure. The most popular storyteller in this city was invited as well. He told a interesting and fun story to the people. The people concentrated on the story and enjoyed it. But the princess bent her head and said to herself.
“All of them look happy just like they live in that story. The only one who doesn't be there is me.”
She felt like that she was all alone in the big and colourful place.
The prince who was invited to this ball fell in love with the princess at first sight that day. The prince proposed to her but she just answered with a long face.

Doctor D · Accepted Answer

If I were writing this story, I would make several changes to improve the style. However, if you just want it to be grammatically correct and the meaning clear, here are my suggestions (in bold):

One day, the king gave a ball for the princess. The ballroom was full of nice foods and beautiful music. People enjoyed them and chatted with each other with pleasure. The most popular storyteller in this city was invited as well. He told an interesting and fun story to the people. The people concentrated on the story and enjoyed it. But the princess bent her head and said to herself:

“All of them look happy just like ~~they live~~ (the people living) in that story. The only one who doesn't ~~be there~~ is me.”

She felt like ~~that~~ she was all alone in the big and colorful (American spelling) place (palace?).
The prince who was invited to this ball fell in love with the princess at first sight that day. The prince proposed to her but she just answered with a long face.

I am not sure what you want to say in the middle paragraph. I gave you one way of saying it. However, perhaps you were trying to say this instead:
"All of them look happy, as if they were living in that story. The only one who isn't in that story is me."

I hope this is what you need.

Domdom · Answer

Thank you so much for your reply!
Could you rewrite my translation to improve the style if you can?

Doctor D · Answer

Yes I could.  But I would need to know what you are trying to say in the middle paragraph.

Domdom · Answer

What I'm trying to say is exactly what you rewrite (All of them look happy, as if~)

Doctor D · Answer

If you have the names of the King and Princess, be sure to use them. Now, what follows may not be an exact translation, but I tried to make it more colorful and stylish. SO:

One day, the king gave a ball for Princess [name]. The ballroom was overflowing with delightful food and beautiful music. People enjoyed these treats and happily chatted with their neighbors. The most popular storyteller in this city was invited as well. He told a fascinating story to the people there. Everyone listened intently and greatly enjoyed the tale. But the princess only bent her head and said to herself:

"All of these people look happy, as if they were actually living in that story. The only one here who isn't in that beautiful story is me."

She felt like she was all alone in her vast palace.

Prince [name], who was invited to this ball, immediately fell in love with the princess when he first saw her. So he kneeled before her and proposed. But her only answer was a sad and silent face.

Hope this is what you were looking for.

could you check and correct this translation please?

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