Could u please review my Writing Task 2 essay?:(((

Many people argue that young people should spend more time on cultural activities such as music and theatre and less time on sport. Personally, I don't agree with this standpoint.
As can be seen, cultural activities play an important role in expanding the human possibility in exploration, creating and the human's completed development as these develop human emotions that are very necessary to both human's wellness and spirit. To demonstrate the effect of culture activities on people's health, I can show you some results concluded from researches. A research operated by General Hospital Austria in Salzburg published in The Vienna Medical Weekly proved that listening to music is an effective treatment for backache. According to a research in The British Journal of Psychiatry, listening to music gives the effect in avoiding stress. However, health was also proved to be boosted by playing sports. Researchers have manifested that sport is also a useful method to reduce depression and anxiety. Like culture activities, sport is also a kind of art. So many sport types need preserving as it’s been fading its popularity going with the stream of time.
In conclusion, it's clear that there are various reasons why both culture activities and sports are crucial to human-being. Therefore, both people in general and young people in particular should equally pay attention to both of them.