Could this be an introduction for a well compelled esaay?

Question

Hi guys, I need someone to check weather this paragraph can be an introduction for an essay abou the enlightenment or not and to find the grammatical mistakes I made.
Here it is:
Enlightenment is described as people use reason and logic to form their acts. Those people should be free from any external power and have the conscience to do what they want. Enlightenment were found in Europe and America by many philosophers who claimed the people to be autonomous, reasonable and free from any despot power. According to Immanuel Kant, the motto of the enlightenment age is "have the courage to use your own understanding". This means that we need to use our standpoints and way of thinking without being affected by the government, the religion or the customs. Kant added "it is convenient to be immature". This tells that if anyone finds a guardian to do his duties it will be hard to create a mature societey. For example, if I find an experienced teacher to help me with my homework it will be easy for me to depend on his help and become an unaided person. In order to create a rational society and destroy the rapacious powers that enslaved people minds for ages the only thing that can help is freedom like what Kant had said "the freedom in question is the most innocuous form of all."

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Hi nonodiv;

"The Enlightenment" ("Age of Enlightenment") is a period in philosophical history characterized by a rebellion against blind obedience to authority. "Enlightenment" is a philosophy, an approach to or ideas on how people should conduct their lives, and what they should believe about themselves as members of society, and the best organization of societies.

Hi guys, I need someone to check weather this paragraph can be an introduction for an essay abou the enlightenment or not and to find the grammatical mistakes I made.

What is the thesis for your essay? An good introductory paragraph will have an obvious thesis. I have highlighted places with grammatical problems.

Here it is:
Enlightenment is described as people using their reason and logic to form their acts. Those people should be free from any external power and have the conscience to do what they want. Enlightenment were found in Europe and America by many philosophers who claimed the people to be autonomous, reasonable and free from any despot power. According to Immanuel Kant, the motto of the enlightenment age is "have the courage to use your own understanding". This means that we need to use our standpoints and way of thinking without being affected by the government, the religion or the customs. Kant added "it is convenient to be immature". This tells that if anyone finds a guardian to do his duties it will be hard to create a mature societey. For example, if I find an experienced teacher to help me with my homework it will be easy for me to depend on his help and become a~~n unaided~~ dependent person. In order to create a rational society and destroy the rapacious powers that enslaved people minds for ages the only thing that can help is freedom like what Kant had said "the freedom in question is the most innocuous form of all."

Nonodiv · Answer

So, sould it be like this:
"Enlightenment" is a philosophy, an approach to our ideas on how people should conduct their lives, and what they should believe about themselves as members of society, and the best organization of societies. Enlightenment is described as people use reason and logic to form their acts. Those people should be free from any external power and have the conscience to do what they want. Enlightenment were formed in Europe and America by many philosophers who claimed the people to be autonomous, reasonable and free from any autocratic power. According to Immanuel Kant, the motto of the enlightenment age is "have the courage to use your own understanding". This means that we need to use our standpoints and way of thinking without being affected by the government, the religion or the customs. Kant added "it is convenient to be immature". This tells that if anyone finds a guardian to do his duties it will be hard to create a mature people. For example, if I find an experienced teacher to help me with my homework it will be easy for me to depend on his help and become an unaided person. In order to create a rational society and destroy the rapacious powers that enslaved people's minds for ages the only thing that can help is freedom like what Kant had said "the freedom in question is the most innocuous form of all". In this essay Iam going to make a discussion about enlightenment and compare it with anarchism.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

"Enlightenment" is a philosophy, an approach to our ideas on how people should conduct their lives, and what they should believe about themselves as members of society, and the best organization of societies. Enlightenment is described as people use (error) reason and logic to form their acts. Those people should be free from any external power and have the conscience (freedom) to do what they want (Do you mean that they can kidnap children?) . Enlightenment were formed (error) in Europe and America by many philosophers who claimed the people to be autonomous, reasonable and free from any autocratic power. According to Immanuel Kant, the motto of the enlightenment age is "have the courage to use your own understanding". This means that we need to use our standpoints and way of thinking without being affected by the government, the religion or the customs. Kant added "it is convenient to be immature". This tells that if anyone finds a guardian to do his duties it will be hard to create a mature people. For example, if I find an experienced teacher to help me with my homework it will be easy for me to depend on his help and become an unaided (Error) person. In order to create a rational society and destroy the rapacious powers that enslaved people's minds for ages the only thing that can help is freedom like what Kant had said "the freedom in question is the most innocuous form of all". In this essay Iam going to make a discussion about enlightenment and compare it with anarchism. (This is not a proper thesis statement.)

Nonodiv · Answer

Could you give a proper thesis for this paragraph?

Nonodiv · Answer

Should it be like this?
"Enlightenment" is a philosophy, an approach to our ideas on how people should conduct their lives, and what they should believe about themselves as members of society, and the best organization of societies. Enlightenment is described as people employ reason and logic to form their acts. Those people should be free from any external power and have the freedom to do what they want without breaking the laws. Enlightenment were originated in Europe and America by many philosophers who claimed the people to be autonomous, reasonable and free from any autocratic power. According to Immanuel Kant, the motto of the enlightenment age is "have the courage to use your own understanding". This means that we need to use our standpoints and way of thinking without being affected by the government, the religion or the customs. Kant added "it is convenient to be immature". This tells that if anyone finds a guardian to do his duties it will be hard to create a mature people. For example, if I find an experienced teacher to help me with my homework it will be easy for me to depend on his help and become a reliant person. In order to create a rational society and destroy the rapacious powers that enslaved people's minds for ages the only thing that can help is freedom like what Kant had said "the freedom in question is the most innocuous form of all". While both Kant and Rousseau expressed what is the enlightenment, Rousseau definition was more conspicuous as it was more objective.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

"Enlightenment" is a philosophy, an approach to our ideas on how people should conduct their lives, and what they should believe about themselves as members of society, and the best organization of societies. Enlightenment is described as people (You need a verb+ ing here - using/ employing) reason and logic to form their acts. Those people should be free from any external power and have the freedom to do what they want without breaking the laws. Enlightenment were originated (Enlightenment is a singular noun. You have used a plural verb. You subject does not match the verb.) in Europe and America by many philosophers who claimed the people to be autonomous, reasonable and free from any autocratic power. According to Immanuel Kant, the motto of the enlightenment age is "have the courage to use your own understanding". This means that we need to use our standpoints and way of thinking without being affected by the government, the religion or the customs. Kant added "it is convenient to be immature". This tells that if anyone finds a guardian to do his duties it will be hard to create a mature people.For example, if I find an experienced teacher to help me with my homework it will be easy for me to depend on his help and become a reliant (an independent person - reliant and unaided do not work here.) person. In order to create a rational society and destroy the rapacious powers that enslaved people's minds for ages the only thing that can help is freedom like what Kant had said "the freedom in question is the most innocuous form of all". While both Kant and Rousseau expressed what is the enlightenment is, Rousseau definition was more conspicuous as it was more objective.

Nonodiv · Answer

But, how could I become an independent person while Iam depending on others' help. It should be a dependent person not an independent one.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

nonodivCould you give a proper thesis for this paragraph?

The thesis is a statement that summarizes the position you argue in your essay, or a one-sentence summary of your essay.
You did not mention anarchism in the introductory paragraph.

Examples of thesis statements which might fit an essay on the Age of Enlightenment:

Ideas which originated in the Enlightenment changed the course of history.
The constitutions of today's democratic, western countries incorporate the philosophy of the Age of Enlightenment.
The Enlightenment and the Scientific Revolution was the beginning of the end the Age of Imperialism and dynastic rulers.
While ideas of the Enlightenment philosophers were founded on similar principles, there were noticeable differences among them.
Three powerful heads of state (Frederick the Great of Prussia, Catherine the Great of Russia and Joseph II of Austria) admired their contemporaries, the philosophes, so much that they adopted Enlightenment ideas in their government's policies.
Enlightenment, when taken to its extreme, results in Communism.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You are right. I misread it. Perhaps you mean this:
For example, if I find an experienced teacher to help me with my homework it will be difficult for me to become a self-reliant person.

Nonodiv · Answer

Thanks alot AlpheccaStars. You always give me very good suggestions.

Could this be an introduction for a well compelled esaay?

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