Could someone proofread this eassay ? please..!

Question

ok here the question..

what is the definition of success, and how is success aquired? What are some steps to take to achieve success?

here my essay...

Success is a long unpredictable road. However, it is one that is worth every slip, every slide, and every fall along the way. Success is acquired by working hard everyday. It takes lots of time and nerves to become successful person. Some of the steps we have to take to achieve success are our goal, knowledge, and self-confidence.
The first step to the success is our goals. Goals are very important in achievement the success, no matter if it is a large goal or a short-term goal. The goal gives us purpose and direction to achieve our ultimate end. Without a goal or a target, we wonder aimlessly, where we must accept what life throws at us.
Knowledge is a second step to achieve success. It helps us to make choices that bring success to us. Knowledge gives us the confidence when we make important decisions. It can be learned from reading, studying and from our life experiences. Everyday our knowledge grows which lead us closer to the success.
Third step to success is self-confidence. It is the most important step of all. The more self-confidence that we become, the better we feel about ourselves and in achieving our goal. We must believe in our own abilities and knowledge that we gain. A self-confident person knows what needs to be done, and they act accordingly.
The road to success is long and not always easy. To achieve the success we need to know our goals and be confident about them. We need to know how to achieve the success, our knowledge would help us to do that. Whit all of this steps we should have no problem to become successful.

is it good enough to pass the Proficiency Test?

if not can someone add maybe some ideas to it please!

i need it fo tomorrow...

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

Pawcio,

I don't want to write your essay for you. I think you've done well. I have helped you with a few paragraphs. See if you can study from them and improve your remaining paragraphs. Most of the changes are minor in nature.

Most of my changes are to make your essay flow better. I like that you have a structure to your essay. You start with three important factors and then you go on to describe your important factors.

Is your writing good enough to pass the proficiency test? I don't know what the standards are for the proficiency test. But you seem to have a strong grasp of English. You just need a bit more practice that only comes with time.

I hope this helps.

MountainHiker

Success is a long unpredictable road. However, it is one that is worth every slip, every slide, and every fall along the way. Success is acquired by working hard everyday.[1] It takes lots of time and nerves to become successful person. Some of the steps we have to take to achieve success are TO SET goalS, ACQUIRE knowledge, and BE self-confidence.

The first step to the success is TO SET goals. Goals, BOTH SHORT- AND LONG-TERM, are very important TO achieve success. GoalS gives us purpose and direction to achieve our ultimate end. Without goalS or targetS, we wonder aimlessly, where we must accept what life throws at us.

Knowledge is a CRUCIAL second step to achieve success. WITH KNOWLEDGE WE CAN make BETTER INFORMED choices. Knowledge gives us the confidence when we make important decisions. It can be ACQUIRED from reading, studying, and from our life experiences. Everyday our knowledge grows which lead us closer to the success.

THE Third step to success is self-confidence. It is the most important step of all. The more self-confidenT we become, the better we feel about ourselves and in achieving our goal. We must believe in our own abilities and knowledge that we gain. A self-confident person knows what needs to be done, and they act accordingly.

The road to success is long and not always easy. To achieve the success we need to know our goals and be confident about them. We need to know how to achieve the success, our knowledge would help us to do that. Whit all of this steps we should have no problem to become successful.

Notes:

1) Odd sounding phrase. Maybe "Success is often a challenging road, filled with my speedbumps and potholes, but a road worth traveling nonetheless. Your first paragraph could be better worded, but I understand it. And again, I don't want to write your essay for you.

2) Also, I am not sure you have defined success. You have merely said it is like a difficult road. But what really is success? What defines Johnny to be successful and *** not. You define what Johnny had to do to acquire success, but what DEFINES his success?

Pawcio · Answer

ok Thank you! it helps me a lot<img class='emoticon' style='Width:19px;Height:19px;' data-delaysrc='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' src='https://uat-englishforward-forums-backend.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/Emoticons/1.gif' alt='Emotion: smile'/>

MountainHiker · Answer

Pawcio,

I hope my comments were of some value. Again, you need to look at what I have written and make any necessary corrections and/or improvements. I made some cursory improvements to your first three paragraphs, and your remaining two have been left almost untouched. That said, there is room for improvement in all your paragraphs.

But you've done well. Unlike most people seeking help, you have a structure. Having a structure is very important as it allows the reader to follow your arguments.

Oh, and don't forget to spell check your document.

Good luck.

MountainHiker

Pawcio · Answer

what score would u give me for this essay? 1-4

MountainHiker · Answer

Pawcio, any score I would give you would be meaningless, as I am not your teacher. He or she wil have different standards and will give a different score. So I am not even going to go down that path because there is no value to my answer.

MountainHiker

Could someone proofread this eassay ? please..!

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