Could someone please help me with a motivation letter?

Hi,
Sorry to bother you, but I'm really desperate for being accepted in a Master's of Science program and I'm not sure if my motivation letter is fine enough.
Here it is:

Dear Steering Committee,

I want to bring to your attention my determined and strong interest on applying to the Master’s of Science in Quantitative Finance at both the UZH: Universitär Zürich and the ETH: Eidgenössische Technische Hochschule Zürich.

I support my interest on getting acceptance to this program based on the following arguments: First, I feel confident on my academic background and my learning skills, which helped me to conclude my Bachellor’s degree one year earlier, taking a heavier load of credits and still being able to finish on the top 10% of my cohort. This combination of factors, in addition to a strong motivation, it is my raison d'être that will help me to succeed on presenting any examination needed to gain acceptation into the program, as well as to cope with the complexity of the program itself, which indeed fits accordingly to continue further with my previous professional development in the area of actuarial science. Actually, my particular focus of interest is in probability theory, risk theory, advanced statistics and financial models; in addition, I have extensive knowledge on many programming languages and I was elated when I saw that the program includes “Computational PDE Methods for Finance”. This is what I want to do.

Secondly, it is part of my vision to construct an individual social responsibility, from which I can put into practice the acquired knowledge, skills, and experience, from my Master’s program together with the exposition to other culture, to contribute with my humble effort to bring the seeds of change not only in my country, Mexico, but as well in Latin America, a region much in need of fresh approaches to economic development and financial advancement.

Finally, I would like to underline my interest for the academia. I enjoy teaching, and I have been participating as a teaching assistant at The Universidad Nacional Autónoma de México (UNAM), facilitating probability and stochastic processes courses. My project on this vein is to open a possibility to combine my professional development on the private sector, with teaching and research; thinking on the possibility of a doctoral program in the near future.

With all that said, I just want to thank your for reviewing my profile. I reassure you that being accepted will bring a remarkable transformation effect not only into my person, but also beyond. In a flat world –as Freedman asserts– with a profound level of interconnectedness, providing opportunities for students from educationally less benefited regions of the world, the impact permeates not only the professional, academic, economic, and political context, but also penetrates into the social tissue of a region, of a country, with tremendous positive implications. I am optimistic of being part of this ripple effect that starts with an acceptation letter.

Sincerely,
Carlos

Thank you in advance.