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Alexandremelo Posted 16 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
COULD SOMEONE CORRECT MY REPORT PLEASE ? THANKS
Background information
Busselton is a small town, with a population of 30,000 people, located three hours down south of Perth. The city has been facing some problems which demand some attention from local authorities. Some meetings were held, in order to discuss potential ideas that were raised among the young community,
Main problems and opportunities
The town has serious problems that have caused some disagreements among the young people. Unfortunately, football, which is the main sport activity, has been disregarded with the lack of a proper court. Secondly, the litter has not received an adequate treatment, which has been strewed all over the town. Yet, the buildings have decayed around the years and have a need for a renovation mainly the library, which has been used only three times a week and need some donations.
Most urgent changes needed
It is vital that the rubbish must be recycled in order to implement and eco-friendly environment in a sustainable way. The old buildings should be restored in order to raise money from tourism, so it could be invested in the library, simultaneously with the purchase of new books. The library should be utilized more often and consequently, local people would feel motivated to attend regularly.
Recommendations
I recommend that all the actions described during the meeting be prioritized under the supervision of a committee, which will be responsible for conducting the main changes. I also propose that the construction of the football court be monitored by the students and then, will help them become more conscious. The main point here is the cost which was not defined by the community. I suggest that the rubbish be collected twice a week and be selective. This would immediately provide a good image of the town, attract tourists and a wide range of investments.
Busselton is a small town, with a population of 30,000 people, located three hours down south of Perth. The city has been facing some problems which demand some attention from local authorities. Some meetings were held, in order to discuss potential ideas that were raised among the young community,
Main problems and opportunities
The town has serious problems that have caused some disagreements among the young people. Unfortunately, football, which is the main sport activity, has been disregarded with the lack of a proper court. Secondly, the litter has not received an adequate treatment, which has been strewed all over the town. Yet, the buildings have decayed around the years and have a need for a renovation mainly the library, which has been used only three times a week and need some donations.
Most urgent changes needed
It is vital that the rubbish must be recycled in order to implement and eco-friendly environment in a sustainable way. The old buildings should be restored in order to raise money from tourism, so it could be invested in the library, simultaneously with the purchase of new books. The library should be utilized more often and consequently, local people would feel motivated to attend regularly.
Recommendations
I recommend that all the actions described during the meeting be prioritized under the supervision of a committee, which will be responsible for conducting the main changes. I also propose that the construction of the football court be monitored by the students and then, will help them become more conscious. The main point here is the cost which was not defined by the community. I suggest that the rubbish be collected twice a week and be selective. This would immediately provide a good image of the town, attract tourists and a wide range of investments.
Top answer
alexandremelo Background information Busselton is a small town (No comma) with a population of 30,000 people, located three hours down south of Perth. ) has been facing some a number of problems which that demand some attention from local authorities. Some Meetings were held (no comma) in order to discuss potential ideas: if someone has an idea for discussion, then it isn't/can't be a potential idea - that suggests that the idea has the potential to become an idea!
- alexandremelo Background information Busselton is a small town (No comma) with a population of 30,000 people, located three hours down south of Perth.
- ) has been facing some a number of problems which that demand some attention from local authorities.
- Some Meetings were held (no comma) in order to discuss potential ideas: if someone has an idea for discussion, then it isn't/can't be a potential idea - that suggests that the idea has the potential to become an idea!
- Either: 'to discuss ideas' or 'to discuss potential solutions that were raised among in/by the young community.
- (community is singular - among would be used if it was 'communities'
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4 Answers
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alexandremeloBackground information
Busselton is a small town (No comma) with a population of 30,000 people, located three hoursdownsouth of Perth. Thecitytown (you've told us it is a town, and with only 30,000, it is!) has been facingsomea number of problemswhichthat demandsomeattention
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Once again, the word processor has failed - several words were struck-through but this has not shown up.
Omit 'down' in the first line
30,000 means it's a town. You say town in line one then change it to city - use town both times.
Omit 'some' and use 'a number of'
use 'that' after problems, not which (Do you know how "that' and 'which' are used?
not 'among the commu
Omit 'down' in the first line
30,000 means it's a town. You say town in line one then change it to city - use town both times.
Omit 'some' and use 'a number of'
use 'that' after problems, not which (Do you know how "that' and 'which' are used?
not 'among the commu
00
Does the stick-through feature work for you? If you would type, "thanks Terry", then strike-through it (fourth from the left), and save, I'll be able to see whether it's me, or the word processor. Thanks
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Main problems and opportunities
The town has serious problems, which have caused some(omit) disagreements(use the singular, not plural) among the young people. Unfortunately, football - which is the main sporting activity, has been neglected, with the lack of a proper playing field. Secondly (omit - you haven't got a "firstly). litter has not
The town has serious problems, which have caused some(omit) disagreements(use the singular, not plural) among the young people. Unfortunately, football - which is the main sporting activity, has been neglected, with the lack of a proper playing field. Secondly (omit - you haven't got a "firstly). litter has not
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