Could someone check the English grammar in my essay please?

Question

edited

Julielai · Accepted Answer

Alexgn,

I've reformatted your essay to make it easier to read. I've also highlighted some errors for you.

I 've written an essay. I am not confident about my English. I would like someone to help me to check the grammar.

Thanks!

1. Introduction

James Martin in his crimson book, Telecommunications and Computers, suggests that there is closed relationship between the two technologies. The first term (which?) emphasizes the role of infrastructure or hardware in communications, the second term deals with contents that play a significant role in today’s advanced communications in all human activities like banking, manufacturing plan, and also at home.

The use of telecommunication and computers immediately develops into the term "information technology" that becomes a famous jargon in today’s sophisticated information era. In corporations, the use of information technology is mandatory since it simplifies jobs accomplishment and eliminates unnecessary costs (Ferguson, 2000).

Simplification occurs in many areas including in a service company like performed by Party Planners Plus, an organisation that provides party planning services. Concerning the use of information technology in Party Planners Plus, this report will discuss the selection and installation of information system (i.e. hardware and software) that will help Jessica, the owner of Party Planners Plus, better meet her information needs.

2. Identification of Information Needs

As a planner of events, the needs for information systems or computerisation are necessary to help Jessica manage their time and resources. In general, the computerisation needs for Jessica is basic or entry level and can be categorised into following groups:

• Presentation: advising clients about the events’ menu, decoration, entertainment

• Design: develop designs of invitations, party locations

• Project Management: determining resource planning (personnel), collaborating with team members to complete tasks appropriately

3. Selecting Suitable Software for Party Planners Plus

Based on the previous identification of computerisation needs for Jessica and her team in Party Planners Plus, below is the more details suggestion on types of software that Jessica can install in her company’s information network.

3.1. Presentation

This kind of tasks is the challenging tasks among the other tasks that Jessica deals with in organising a party. This is because presentation to customers will determine whether they buy Jessica’s ideas and thus appoint her to manage their parties. Therefore, during presentation, Jessica has to incorporate a wide range of information in interesting format and appearance to attract customers.

In order to do so, Jessica can use Microsoft PowerPoint to develop attractive presentations to customers. There are many benefits when using Microsoft PowerPoint especially the software provides us with the capability to create and develop designer-quality graphics (SmartArt graphics) that add strengths to the presentations (Microsoft Corporation, 2007c).

3.2. Design

This task is not only the jobs for real graphic designers. This could happen since many design applications and software enable common computer to develop attractive graphic designs with simple steps. Currently, there are many kind of design software in the IT market, friendly software is Microsoft Publisher.

The software has capability to develop designs for variety publications including postcards, brochures, newsletter, web sites and email formats. For each designs, the software provide users with attractive design template that lessen the users in making designs (Microsoft Corporation, 2007b).

In addition to Microsoft Publisher, there are other applications and software that help customers to design marketing tools (brochures, flyers etc); they include Corel Draw, Adobe Photoshop.

3.3. Project Management

Since Party Planners Plus has many kinds of particular jobs when organising parties, the company needs integrated software to manage all distinctive tasks. For this reason, the company may use Office Groove Server 2007.

When using this software application, the company can integrate team tasks in Groove workspace. This application also comes with feature "live" business data that helps each member of the team to get updated data. Therefore, although each member is separated miles away, they still can share the progress of their jobs by using Groove Server (Microsoft Corporation, 2007a).

4. Choosing a Computer System

Assuming that there are at least eight people that work for Party Planners Plus, we can determine the number of required software and hardware to make computerisation at the company works well. Table 1 shows general requirement and network design for computerisation at Party Planners Plus.

5. Costs Estimation

Based on the elaboration above, we can determine the initial costs for Party Planners Plus when developing new computer systems. In order to get rid of cabling systems, in this cost estimation I use wireless connection (Figure 1).

The availability of brand for computer equipments and peripherals suggests that we should perform side-by-side comparison from a computer manufacturer to compare alternative systems configurations. Table 2 shows the comparison of some computer equipments.

http://picccs.mine.nu/pics/it_report.doc

Anonymous · Answer

PHONES IN SCHOOLS
Cell phones now days are one of the most important things in our life. People use cell phones everywhere. Also they use them to communicate to others. However student complains about not using cell phones. Student think cell phones are necessary in the schools. However In 1999, a student from a high school had a gun and he had shot twenty students and a teacher. Student said that if the student in this school had cell phones somebody could call the police and saved what happened. But Cell phones are a major interruption in school. So Cell phone should not be used in school except somebody carry a gun and want to shoot everybody.
Cell phones should not use in schools because they are a major interruption in the classroom when teaching or taking a test. This happened when a phone rings. It also used for cheating in the test. Cell phones used by the student to call for fights. Additionally it used for drugs and bums plans. Students also use it to take videos and photos in Gym and classes to make fun of people. As well student will not pay attention in class, when they are texting, playing games or listing to music. Besides some students buy expensive cell phones and got stolen, which lose money.

Julielai · Answer

Highlighted a few things you need to fix.

I suggest you work on your tense consistency, capitlization, plurals and subject/verb agreement.

Cell phones now days are one of the most important things in our life. People use cell phones everywhere. ~~Also~~ they use them to communicate to others. However student complains about not using cell phones. Student think cell phones are necessary in ~~the~~ schools. However In 1999, a student from a high school had a gun and he had shot twenty students and a teacher. Student said that if the student in this school had cell phones somebody could call the police and saved what happened. But Cell phones are a major interruption in school. So Cell phone should not be used in school except somebody carry a gun and want to shoot everybody.
Cell phones should not use in schools because they are a major interruption in the classroom when teaching or taking a test. This happened when a phone rings. It also used for cheating in the test. Cell phones used by the student to call for fights. Additionally it used for drugs and bums plans. Students also use it to take videos and photos in Gym and classes to make fun of people. As well student will not pay attention in class, when they are texting, playing games or listing to music. Besides some students buy expensive cell phones and got stolen~~, which lose money~~.

Could someone check the English grammar in my essay please?

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