Could I get you to review this

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Hello, teachers. Could I get you to review this? In advance, thank you.

She had bought it online and was awaiting it with great anticipation, though she was also nervous about whether it would match her expectations. So when the package finally arrived she opened it to inspect especially the color, but luckily everything was as she had hoped.

Heisenberguncert · Accepted Answer

Hello Anonymous,

I am not a "teacher" but I will review your post anyways.

She had bought it online and was awaiting it with great anticipation, though she was also nervous about whether it would match her expectations.

No errors.

So when the package finally arrived she opened it to inspect especially the color, but luckily everything was as she had hoped.

This is a bit confusing as you have written it. I would recommend the following revisions:

"So when the package finally arrived she opened and inspected it, especially the color. Luckily, everything was as she had hoped."

"opened it to inspect" is not quite how we would say what you intend. I understand exactly what you mean but I feel something like "opened and inspected it" or just "inspected it" would work better for you.

Additionally I think you should break your second sentence into two separate sentences. As you wrote it, there is too much information for one sentence.

Otherwise, it is perfectly written!

Could I get you to review this

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