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Mitsuo23 Posted 15 years ago
Grammar
Could be a tough question.
Hi, (sorry this post is kind of messy. I am not sure what my problem is, but I feel something uncomfortable with the writing below.)
The writing below is from a book, and while I know the underlined part is grammatically correct, it looks wrong in the context. If I were the writer I'd write it like this, "I'd look out across the garden and into the orderly homes of Valencia's neighbors: uniformed maids entering rooms, carrying tea services on silver trays, men and women sitting on chairs with four legs, staring at their walls without the benefit of sunglasses.
Would you explain the difference between the original version and my version?
I'd then pick up the phone and pretend to dial. There was no way I could get heavy-handed and demand that an English person send me money, even if he owed it to me personally. Holding the receiver up to my mouth, I'd look out across the garden and into the orderly homes of Valencia's neighbors. Uniformed maids entered rooms carrying tea services on silver trays. Men and women sat on chairs with four legs and
stared at their walls without the benefit of sunglasses. What worried me was the thought that I actually belonged in Valencia's house, that of all the homes in New York, my place was here with the Barefoot Contessa. "London's not answering," I'd say. "I think today is a British national holiday."
Thank you in advance,
M
The writing below is from a book, and while I know the underlined part is grammatically correct, it looks wrong in the context. If I were the writer I'd write it like this, "I'd look out across the garden and into the orderly homes of Valencia's neighbors: uniformed maids entering rooms, carrying tea services on silver trays, men and women sitting on chairs with four legs, staring at their walls without the benefit of sunglasses.
Would you explain the difference between the original version and my version?
I'd then pick up the phone and pretend to dial. There was no way I could get heavy-handed and demand that an English person send me money, even if he owed it to me personally. Holding the receiver up to my mouth, I'd look out across the garden and into the orderly homes of Valencia's neighbors. Uniformed maids entered rooms carrying tea services on silver trays. Men and women sat on chairs with four legs and
stared at their walls without the benefit of sunglasses. What worried me was the thought that I actually belonged in Valencia's house, that of all the homes in New York, my place was here with the Barefoot Contessa. "London's not answering," I'd say. "I think today is a British national holiday."
Thank you in advance,
M
Top answer
mitsuwao23 I feel something uncomfortable with the writing below. That may be because of the use of the simple past as if it were the past continuous or habitual "would". Since "would" is used in several sentences before these, the reader feels that the concept of habituality continues through the passage that uses the simple past.
- mitsuwao23 I feel something uncomfortable with the writing below.
- That may be because of the use of the simple past as if it were the past continuous or habitual "would".
- Since "would" is used in several sentences before these, the reader feels that the concept of habituality continues through the passage that uses the simple past.
- This technique is not really uncommon.
- You may find it again in other literary works.
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4 Answers
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mitsuwao23I feel something uncomfortable with the writing below.That may be because of the use of the simple past as if it were the past continuous or habitual "would". Since "would" is used in several sentences before these, the reader feels that the concept of habituality continues through the passage that uses the simple past. This technique is not reall
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Thank you for the reply. I think I understood what caused my discomfort.
Now I would like to know your impression of the "entered version," instead of my "entering version." My impression is like, because he says "uniformed maids entered," I feel like the main character watched the complete action, meaning them knocking the door to clocking the door behind them.
My version was
Now I would like to know your impression of the "entered version," instead of my "entering version." My impression is like, because he says "uniformed maids entered," I feel like the main character watched the complete action, meaning them knocking the door to clocking the door behind them.
My version was
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mitsuwao23I feel like the main character watched the complete actionYes he did - on several different occasions.
mitsuwao23My version was like, he saw a momentary thing, maybe the maids opening the door or something.Yes. The -ing forms typically suggest the details of
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Sounds great. I feel like my reading is getting better[
]
Thank you,
m
]Thank you,
m
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