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Harbinger1 Posted 20 years ago
Letter Writing
Could anyone please kindly correct my Personal Statement?
I am a Chinese student and presently applying for postgraduate study in UK/US.
Here is my Personal Statement. Please make some corrections on grammar.
Many thanks!
Personal Statement
------ The growth of a tree
Winter invaded, every thing was coated with snow. A seed of a tree fell….
One day, a baby was born in the world. Her crying tore the silence of a financial family. That was
me. When I was just a kid, my father used to bring home various financial books and papers such
as Financial Times. Once, dad got a chance to travel abroad and came back with an English
Financial Dictionary for me. I was also deeply impressed by the vivid description of his visit to
Morgan Stanley. The core concepts of finance—“Time value of money” and “Positive correlation
between risk and return” were instilled in me when my parents instructed me to manage finances.
Since then, dreaming of making my own achievement in the field of finance, the seed of interest in
finance fell into my heart and was buried.
The first spring breeze kissed the ground. The seed opened her eyes, smiling and
rooting….
Cherishing this interest, I came into the University of International Business and Economics with
elitist students from across China. I am infused with cutting-edged financial knowledge through
leaning from teachers who are senior visiting scholars or have received professional trainings
overseas and studying the original textbooks used in world-class business schools. I have excelled
in a number of specialty courses, including Microeconomics, Macroeconomics, Money and
Banking, Accounting, Public Finance, Corporate Finance, Financial Derivatives, International
Investment and Security Investment Analysis. At the same time, I have been equipped with a solid
mathematics foundation through an in-depth study of Calculus, Statistics, Linear Algebra and
Econometrics. Fascinated by the contribution and increasingly essential role of finance to modern
society, I further reinforced my determination to pursue the career of finance. The seed of interest
began to root in my heart.
Every thing was awaken in the splendid time of year. The seed began to grow.
Suddenly, a ray of the sunshine lightened every thing around her. She was out of
the earth, seeing the world around….
As a student majoring in finance, it is vital to keep abreast of the latest trend of the financial
situations. Apart from assimilating the knowledge in the textbooks, I keep an eye on the domestic
and international columns. On July 21, 2005, PBOC announced to reform RMB Exchange Rate
Regime. In February 2006, China overtook Japan as the world's largest holder of foreign exchange
reserves. I reflected upon these two sensational events, utilized my knowledge in international
finance, and consulted a large amount of literature, then published my thesis on the issue of
China’s colossal foreign exchange reserves.
By compiling and analyzing the macroeconomic data, I discovered that China’s foreign exchange
reserves, already the world's biggest, were largely driven by a burgeoning foreign trade surplus
and massive inflow of foreign direct investment (FDI). The proliferation of China’s Foreign
Exchange reserves not only witnessed hot money from overseas seeking to speculate on the RMB
but also hampered the national monetary policy autonomy. So it is wise to perfect the RMB
exchange rate formation mechanism and to diversify the currencies of China’s foreign exchange
reserves. Concerning how to manage foreign exchange reserves, the surplus reserves could be
used to purchase strategic materials for China's economic development, to upgrade technologies in
state-owned enterprises and to reform the state-owned financial sector. The extra foreign exchange
reserves could also be used to introduce talented people from overseas and to boost the nation's
social security fund. Some of my views were later confirmed by national policies.
The young plant was growing up. She stretched her body upward….
Finance is an applied discipline and fortunately I enjoyed my internship with Bank of China, in
which I was provided with an opportunity to apply my knowledge to practice and gain experience
in financial operation.
When I worked in the international settlement and trade financing department, many clients came
to consult me what kind of financing product they should choose. To illustrate, in order to solve
the problem of forward receivables and to reduce risks, I advised the clients to do the Forfaiting,
which can enable the enterprise to fix the cost and return, obtain the fund in advance, accelerate
the capital flow, and promote the mobility of assets.
Observing that most foreign debts and deposits in Bank of China is quoted by LIBOR
plus/subtract point, therefore more susceptible to different term structure of LIBOR, I successfully
used interest rate swap to hedge and the VAR method to control the increasing market risk.
During my internship with BOC, I assisted in preparing the materials for the bank’s IPO plan. I
proposed that the prerequisites to cooperate with foreign strategic investors are to solve the
problem of weighty non-performing loans by establishing a quantitative cyclical performance
management system and to improve corporate governance by perfecting the mechanism of internal
control.
Time passed by. One morning, the tree found that she was blossoming with
fragrance. She was looking forward, maybe, to the land on the other side of the
planet….
The deeper I delve into the field of finance, the more I realize that my existing knowledge needs to
be updated. As China plans to fully open its financial markets by the end of 2006, I deem it crucial
to develop an international perspective in finance. So I decided to further my study at LSE, where
I can get the invaluable “nutrition”. My outstanding academic ability which is indicated by my
consecutive scholarships, combined with my leadership as well as teamwork spirit developed from
my experience served as secretary of student union and in school orchestra demonstrates right
qualification for my future success and my dynamic participation in your MSc program. I have
strived to pursue the career in commercial banks, investment banks, other financial institutions or
governmental agencies. In my graduate study at LSE, I would like to continue with my
explorations on international financial market, monetary policy and corporate finance. I believe
your prestigious education will enrich my expertise in finance on diverse levels.
(END)
Here is my Personal Statement. Please make some corrections on grammar.
Many thanks!
Personal Statement
------ The growth of a tree
Winter invaded, every thing was coated with snow. A seed of a tree fell….
One day, a baby was born in the world. Her crying tore the silence of a financial family. That was
me. When I was just a kid, my father used to bring home various financial books and papers such
as Financial Times. Once, dad got a chance to travel abroad and came back with an English
Financial Dictionary for me. I was also deeply impressed by the vivid description of his visit to
Morgan Stanley. The core concepts of finance—“Time value of money” and “Positive correlation
between risk and return” were instilled in me when my parents instructed me to manage finances.
Since then, dreaming of making my own achievement in the field of finance, the seed of interest in
finance fell into my heart and was buried.
The first spring breeze kissed the ground. The seed opened her eyes, smiling and
rooting….
Cherishing this interest, I came into the University of International Business and Economics with
elitist students from across China. I am infused with cutting-edged financial knowledge through
leaning from teachers who are senior visiting scholars or have received professional trainings
overseas and studying the original textbooks used in world-class business schools. I have excelled
in a number of specialty courses, including Microeconomics, Macroeconomics, Money and
Banking, Accounting, Public Finance, Corporate Finance, Financial Derivatives, International
Investment and Security Investment Analysis. At the same time, I have been equipped with a solid
mathematics foundation through an in-depth study of Calculus, Statistics, Linear Algebra and
Econometrics. Fascinated by the contribution and increasingly essential role of finance to modern
society, I further reinforced my determination to pursue the career of finance. The seed of interest
began to root in my heart.
Every thing was awaken in the splendid time of year. The seed began to grow.
Suddenly, a ray of the sunshine lightened every thing around her. She was out of
the earth, seeing the world around….
As a student majoring in finance, it is vital to keep abreast of the latest trend of the financial
situations. Apart from assimilating the knowledge in the textbooks, I keep an eye on the domestic
and international columns. On July 21, 2005, PBOC announced to reform RMB Exchange Rate
Regime. In February 2006, China overtook Japan as the world's largest holder of foreign exchange
reserves. I reflected upon these two sensational events, utilized my knowledge in international
finance, and consulted a large amount of literature, then published my thesis on the issue of
China’s colossal foreign exchange reserves.
By compiling and analyzing the macroeconomic data, I discovered that China’s foreign exchange
reserves, already the world's biggest, were largely driven by a burgeoning foreign trade surplus
and massive inflow of foreign direct investment (FDI). The proliferation of China’s Foreign
Exchange reserves not only witnessed hot money from overseas seeking to speculate on the RMB
but also hampered the national monetary policy autonomy. So it is wise to perfect the RMB
exchange rate formation mechanism and to diversify the currencies of China’s foreign exchange
reserves. Concerning how to manage foreign exchange reserves, the surplus reserves could be
used to purchase strategic materials for China's economic development, to upgrade technologies in
state-owned enterprises and to reform the state-owned financial sector. The extra foreign exchange
reserves could also be used to introduce talented people from overseas and to boost the nation's
social security fund. Some of my views were later confirmed by national policies.
The young plant was growing up. She stretched her body upward….
Finance is an applied discipline and fortunately I enjoyed my internship with Bank of China, in
which I was provided with an opportunity to apply my knowledge to practice and gain experience
in financial operation.
When I worked in the international settlement and trade financing department, many clients came
to consult me what kind of financing product they should choose. To illustrate, in order to solve
the problem of forward receivables and to reduce risks, I advised the clients to do the Forfaiting,
which can enable the enterprise to fix the cost and return, obtain the fund in advance, accelerate
the capital flow, and promote the mobility of assets.
Observing that most foreign debts and deposits in Bank of China is quoted by LIBOR
plus/subtract point, therefore more susceptible to different term structure of LIBOR, I successfully
used interest rate swap to hedge and the VAR method to control the increasing market risk.
During my internship with BOC, I assisted in preparing the materials for the bank’s IPO plan. I
proposed that the prerequisites to cooperate with foreign strategic investors are to solve the
problem of weighty non-performing loans by establishing a quantitative cyclical performance
management system and to improve corporate governance by perfecting the mechanism of internal
control.
Time passed by. One morning, the tree found that she was blossoming with
fragrance. She was looking forward, maybe, to the land on the other side of the
planet….
The deeper I delve into the field of finance, the more I realize that my existing knowledge needs to
be updated. As China plans to fully open its financial markets by the end of 2006, I deem it crucial
to develop an international perspective in finance. So I decided to further my study at LSE, where
I can get the invaluable “nutrition”. My outstanding academic ability which is indicated by my
consecutive scholarships, combined with my leadership as well as teamwork spirit developed from
my experience served as secretary of student union and in school orchestra demonstrates right
qualification for my future success and my dynamic participation in your MSc program. I have
strived to pursue the career in commercial banks, investment banks, other financial institutions or
governmental agencies. In my graduate study at LSE, I would like to continue with my
explorations on international financial market, monetary policy and corporate finance. I believe
your prestigious education will enrich my expertise in finance on diverse levels.
(END)
Top answer
It's an interesting approach. I'm not sure how well it will work for you - you are not applying for a creative type degree - but I suppose it will make you stand out. Whether you'll stand out in a good or bad way, I don't know.
- It's an interesting approach.
- I'm not sure how well it will work for you - you are not applying for a creative type degree - but I suppose it will make you stand out.
- Whether you'll stand out in a good or bad way, I don't know.
- However, I don't think they want a lecture on China's foreign exchange reserves.
- I'd say this is a bit long but generally speaking you are expressing yourself well and grammatically.
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2 Answers
0
It's an interesting approach. I'm not sure how well it will work for you - you are not applying for a creative type degree - but I suppose it will make you stand out. Whether you'll stand out in a good or bad way, I don't know. However, I don't think they want a lecture on China's foreign exchange reserves.
I'd say this is a bit long but generally speaking you are expressing yourself well
I'd say this is a bit long but generally speaking you are expressing yourself well
00
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