Could anyone help me with my thesis's abstract?

Question

Hello, Everyone.Because my English is not very good, I would like to ask you to correct my thesis's abstract.Thanks in advance.History and teachings of Tenri kyoThe aim of this thesis is to create a consistent description of the religious group called Tenri kyo, that also provides some insight into Japanese new religions phenomenon. To achieve this goal, author decided to research the history and teachings of Tenri kyo.This thesis consists of four chapters. The first part presents historical background that allowed Tenri kyo to emerge, including relations between existing religions and their believers. The second chapter concerns the process of development a small, local religion that Tenri kyo was at time of its beginning into institutionalized religion that has churches in the whole country and abroad. The third chapter is a depiction of the Tenri kyo dogma based on the publications of Tenri kyo Doyusha. This chapter contains information about the god, human being and the meaning as well as the way of attaining the salvation according to the official teachings of the religion. In the fourth chapter, Tenri kyo is compared with other Japanese religions by verification of the statement made by Hori, who claims that new religions arose from folk religion. The summary contains author’s observations of Tenri kyo, that were made based on the conducted studies. Appendix includes translations of Mikagura, the religious text used during religious ceremonies, and Moto no ri, the story of creation of the world and human.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I am NOT a teacher and so my input will be that of a native English speaker. I have rewritten what you have written correctly but it's still advisable for teachers to check both versions through.

The aim of this thesis is to create a consistent description of a religious group called Tenri kyo as well as providing some insight into the Japanese new religions phenomenon. To achieve this goal, the author decided to research the history and teachings of Tenri kyo. This thesis consists of four chapters; the first of which presents the historical background that allowed Tenri kyo to emerge, including relations between existing religions and their believers. The second chapter concerns the process of developing a small, local religion that Tenri kyo himself adhered to during its creation, to creating an institutionalized religion that has churches in the whole country and abroad. The third chapter is a depiction of the Tenri kyo dogma based on the publications of Tenri kyo Doyusha. This chapter contains information about the meaning of *** and humans as well as a way in which an attainment according to the official teachings of the religion was practised. In the fourth chapter, Tenri kyo is compared with other Japanese religions by verification of the statement made by Hori, who claims that new religions arose from folk religion. The summary contains the author’s observations of Tenri kyo, all of which were made based on conducted studies. The appendix includes translations of a religious text called Mikagura that was used during religious ceremonies, and Moto no ri, in which the story of both humans and the world on which they live came into being.

By the 'author' do you mean 'you' as in 'I'?

Elek0072 · Answer

Thank you very much!
Yes, the 'author' means 'I'.
Do you think I should change it?

Anonymous · Answer

The aim of this thesis is to create a consistent description of a religious group called Tenri kyo as well as providing some insight into the Japanese new religions phenomenon. To achieve this goal, I decided to research the history and teachings of Tenri kyo. This thesis consists of four chapters; the first of which presents the historical background that allowed Tenri kyo to emerge, including relations between existing religions and their believers. The second chapter concerns the process of developing a small, local religion that Tenri kyo himself adhered to during its creation, to creating an institutionalized religion that has churches in the whole country and abroad. The third chapter is a depiction of the Tenri kyo dogma based on the publications of Tenri kyo Doyusha. This chapter contains information about the meaning of *** and humans as well as a way in which an attainment according to the official teachings of the religion was practised. In the fourth chapter, Tenri kyo is compared with other Japanese religions by verification of the statement made by Hori, who claims that new religions arose from folk religion. The summary contains my observations of Tenri kyo, all of which were made based on conducted studies. The appendix includes translations of a religious text called Mikagura that was used during religious ceremonies, and Moto no ri, in which the story of both humans and the world on which they live came into being.

Clive · Answer

The aim of this thesis is to create a consistent description of the religious group called Tenri kyo . . .

I would expect a key part of your abstract would be a succinct summary of the description you have created. Yet you do not seem to provide this. Why not?

Clive

Anonymous · Answer

Thank you for your comment.
Of course, you are right.
To be honest, it is the first time I have to write an abstract and I just do not know how it should be written correctly.
I tried to add something more. Could anyone tell me, if it looks all right? I would be grateful, if anyone could correct the mistakes.

The main aim of this thesis is to create a description of a religious group called Tenri kyo. To achieve this goal, I decided to research the history and teachings of Tenri kyo.
This thesis consists of three chapters; the first of which presents the historical background that allowed Tenri kyo to emerge, including relations between existing religions and their believers. Tenri kyo was born in the first half of the 19th century, when Buddhism and Shinto were controlled by the state and failed to answer the religious needs of poor peasants and townsmen who suffered from famine and illness resulting from it.
The second chapter concerns the process of developing a small, local religion that Tenri kyo himself adhered to during its creation, to creating an institutionalized religion that has churches in the whole country. Tenri kyo was created in 1838, when Nakayama Miki experienced divine possession and following the will of *** started to cure illnesses and preach about divine salvation. The prospects of recovery from illness and promised by *** affluent life became a main reason that the number of followers was steadily increasing. In the Meiji period Tenri kyo became a target of state repression, which forced the Tenri kyo’s leaders to modify the doctrine in order to protect the church and followers. The end of World War II brought to Japan religious freedom, which allowed religious leaders to restore the doctrine to its original state. Liberation from the state control resulted in the development of Tenri kyo and increase of the number of churches to 14 200 in 1954.
The third chapter is a depiction of the Tenri kyo dogma based on the publications of Tenri kyo Doyusha. Tenri kyo followers believes in Tenri O, who is the only *** and a creator of humans and the whole world. *** promises that as long as people follow his instructions and worship him through religious ceremonies, the salvation will come. The salvation is defined as never-ending process of reborn after living free of illness and affluent life that lasts 115 years.
In the fourth chapter, Tenri kyo is compared with other Japanese religions by verification of the statement made by Hori, who claims that new religions arose from folk religion. It cannot be denied that Tenri kyo represents some unique religious views on ***, human being and the world, but a stress on rituals that aim at attaining worldly benefits and accepting the role of a shaman constitutes the link that connects Tenri kyo with folk religion.
The appendix includes translations of a religious text called Mikagura that was used during religious ceremonies, and Moto no ri, in which the story of both humans and the world on which they live came into being.

Anonymous · Answer

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Could anyone help me with my thesis's abstract?

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