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Anonymous Posted 21 years ago
Letter Writing
could anyone help me with my statement of purpose which is so so important
I'm not sure about my english. And i need anyone to help me correct my statement. I'll be so so glad if u would like to help me to carry this out. I dont have english speaking friends and i dont know what to do with this. Thank you very much for helping me. and i hope this my error english will be lessons for those who also learn english and warn them not to make the same grammatical mistakes..
Statement of Purpose
One of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess. I am an arts student with a flair for the science. I am a woman withtechnical aptitude and an interest in Marketing. I also have a passion for traveling and understanding different cultures of the world. All these elements have given me a very board outlook with a variety of knowledge. I strongly believe that altough some are not related directly, all these qualities will influence my graduated work.
I have completed my four years Bachelor’s degree of Liberal Arts at Thammasat university,Bangkok. I graduated in March 2005 with a russian major. Language of my perspectives is a very vital for human being mostly in business: business is a significant communication by using languages as a tool. For the reason why is russian ,simply, is that itlead me outstanding.Please note that even the relationship between Thailand and Russia is gradually good, in almost thai’s aptitude Russia is an falling economic country. But recently the growth of russian economic from an enormous natural resources and progressed in thecnology convince thai businessmen to make a trade. Thus the demand of knowing russian is increase whereas there is a limited of us.
However I was not born to be an interpreter or an translater. Languages is my first step leading me to my futher work. In the period of my education did I have an oppotunity to join several and diverse activities introducing me to the aspect of the marketing. Once the purpose for earning some money besides provided from the faculty to my major pursuaded me to create a shirt which was ordinarly but different-prominent. I carried this project through my friends and teachers and they approved it. Because of the limited of time tosell the shirts by ourselve I asked everyone to wear them as a modle for promoting for a week and it helped us get the number of orders. What I have given from this project is more than money or how to work as a team, it developed my though how to sale out 250 shirts in 2 weeks.
Moreover, I worked as a part-time job for the exhibitions organized by company Reed Tradex, a branch of Reed Tradex in England. My work was an operation: I dealed with the customers and exhibiters so I had to open my eyes and also know the show in general. Learning that a real world of business is a world of high competition either among those firms or among colleages. Everyone in this field should be extreamly active and creative. The goals are not only how to set up the perfect exhibitions for attracting its targets but also an estimated number of people visiting the show. Although I worked in a very short time, I was enjoyed what I learn more about business especially in marketing field.
In particular(Intensively), having a family business even it is small and involving it since it was just a plan strongly develop my interest in business to my concentrated education-Master’s degree. I was a tiny part of the family business-coffee shops while I was a sophomore. Over the past three years,I have been working part-time with my family shops. I had an opportunity to observe and work seriously in mangement. I only look after an account and entile stocking. Computer has been recognized to be used for the corrected calculation and systemized stocking. Futhermore,it help us efficiently drop using papers and easily find all data.
After my graduated, I instantly look after my family business on the whole. Three years of my part-time experience teach me that the taste is the core of all coffee shops and four months after graduating come me up a picture of the marketing. Recently, there is ahigh competition among this business. The amount of coffee shops in Thailand dramatically grows in a few years. But ,interestingly, there are some whocan open till now. I observed that is because of a weakness in marketing. Most of them run their business without understanding in coffee and concerning this market. What the customers consume nowaday is more than the strong taste or addictive odor. It is a picture or an image including a service mind. Succeeded brands promote its shops and coffees in an individual style and always have an innovation as Starbucks. That means if I wish to be in the business I have to step forward faster than others andcan not stop whatever will be otherwise I might be chased.
On my mind, only the proficiancy in management is not enough to guarantee the succeed in doing business, it need the wise in marketing to involve. I believe that having a small business is my luck because it is a good chance for me to study its strong and weak points and encourage me to make a progress and solve them by focusing on the marketing choosen for my Master’s degree.
In conclusion, I believe that studing at University of Birmingham is a perfect choice for me both academically and experientially. The eminent faculty and individualized nature of the master program will definitely bring out the best in me. I would like to reiterate that I possess the background, the ability, and the motivation to make a significant contribution to Marketing. I hope you will take a favorable decision regarding my admission to the Master program and I look forward to joining the University of Birmingham.
the underline is what i'm not sure which better words should i use...
Statement of Purpose
One of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess. I am an arts student with a flair for the science. I am a woman withtechnical aptitude and an interest in Marketing. I also have a passion for traveling and understanding different cultures of the world. All these elements have given me a very board outlook with a variety of knowledge. I strongly believe that altough some are not related directly, all these qualities will influence my graduated work.
I have completed my four years Bachelor’s degree of Liberal Arts at Thammasat university,Bangkok. I graduated in March 2005 with a russian major. Language of my perspectives is a very vital for human being mostly in business: business is a significant communication by using languages as a tool. For the reason why is russian ,simply, is that itlead me outstanding.Please note that even the relationship between Thailand and Russia is gradually good, in almost thai’s aptitude Russia is an falling economic country. But recently the growth of russian economic from an enormous natural resources and progressed in thecnology convince thai businessmen to make a trade. Thus the demand of knowing russian is increase whereas there is a limited of us.
However I was not born to be an interpreter or an translater. Languages is my first step leading me to my futher work. In the period of my education did I have an oppotunity to join several and diverse activities introducing me to the aspect of the marketing. Once the purpose for earning some money besides provided from the faculty to my major pursuaded me to create a shirt which was ordinarly but different-prominent. I carried this project through my friends and teachers and they approved it. Because of the limited of time tosell the shirts by ourselve I asked everyone to wear them as a modle for promoting for a week and it helped us get the number of orders. What I have given from this project is more than money or how to work as a team, it developed my though how to sale out 250 shirts in 2 weeks.
Moreover, I worked as a part-time job for the exhibitions organized by company Reed Tradex, a branch of Reed Tradex in England. My work was an operation: I dealed with the customers and exhibiters so I had to open my eyes and also know the show in general. Learning that a real world of business is a world of high competition either among those firms or among colleages. Everyone in this field should be extreamly active and creative. The goals are not only how to set up the perfect exhibitions for attracting its targets but also an estimated number of people visiting the show. Although I worked in a very short time, I was enjoyed what I learn more about business especially in marketing field.
In particular(Intensively), having a family business even it is small and involving it since it was just a plan strongly develop my interest in business to my concentrated education-Master’s degree. I was a tiny part of the family business-coffee shops while I was a sophomore. Over the past three years,I have been working part-time with my family shops. I had an opportunity to observe and work seriously in mangement. I only look after an account and entile stocking. Computer has been recognized to be used for the corrected calculation and systemized stocking. Futhermore,it help us efficiently drop using papers and easily find all data.
After my graduated, I instantly look after my family business on the whole. Three years of my part-time experience teach me that the taste is the core of all coffee shops and four months after graduating come me up a picture of the marketing. Recently, there is ahigh competition among this business. The amount of coffee shops in Thailand dramatically grows in a few years. But ,interestingly, there are some whocan open till now. I observed that is because of a weakness in marketing. Most of them run their business without understanding in coffee and concerning this market. What the customers consume nowaday is more than the strong taste or addictive odor. It is a picture or an image including a service mind. Succeeded brands promote its shops and coffees in an individual style and always have an innovation as Starbucks. That means if I wish to be in the business I have to step forward faster than others andcan not stop whatever will be otherwise I might be chased.
On my mind, only the proficiancy in management is not enough to guarantee the succeed in doing business, it need the wise in marketing to involve. I believe that having a small business is my luck because it is a good chance for me to study its strong and weak points and encourage me to make a progress and solve them by focusing on the marketing choosen for my Master’s degree.
In conclusion, I believe that studing at University of Birmingham is a perfect choice for me both academically and experientially. The eminent faculty and individualized nature of the master program will definitely bring out the best in me. I would like to reiterate that I possess the background, the ability, and the motivation to make a significant contribution to Marketing. I hope you will take a favorable decision regarding my admission to the Master program and I look forward to joining the University of Birmingham.
the underline is what i'm not sure which better words should i use...
Top answer
Basically, it is too long, so I have tried to cut it down a bit. I have also fixed some spelling and grammar errors: Statement of Purpose One of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess. I am an arts student with a flair for science.
- Basically, it is too long, so I have tried to cut it down a bit.
- I have also fixed some spelling and grammar errors: Statement of Purpose One of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess.
- I am an arts student with a flair for science.
- I am a woman with technical aptitude and an interest in marketing.
- I also have a passion for travel and understanding different cultures.
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1 Answers
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Basically, it is too long, so I have tried to cut it down a bit. I have also fixed some spelling and grammar errors:
Statement of Purpose
One of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess. I am an arts student with a flair for science. I am a woman with technical aptitude and an interest in marketing. I also have a passi
Statement of Purpose
One of my most distinguishing characteristics is the diversity of experiences I possess. I am an arts student with a flair for science. I am a woman with technical aptitude and an interest in marketing. I also have a passi
0
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