Could any teachers evaluate my Task 2 IELTS writing?

Task: Many researchers believe that we can now study the behaviour of children to see if they will grow up to be criminals, while others disagree.To what extent do you think crime is determined by genetics? Is it possible to stop children from growing up to be criminals?

Many researchers argue that the behaviors of children can now be taken becoming criminals or not into consideration when they grow up. I totally disagree with that opinion, and we can possibly deter a child from becoming a criminal in the future

There are 2 reasons attributing to my strong disapproval about being criminals by genetics. First of all, we merely inherit a few traits of appearance and personality from our parents, not in a complete way. Regarding a confident, arrogant, and handsome father, the son can be handsome or somehow intelligent, but not confident, arrogant as these personalities are related to achievements and life understandings. Secondly, behavior genes slightly deduce a child’s future as a leopard cannot change its spots, but life experiences, along with upbringing conditions can. If a child was brought up in a dysfunctional family with an emotional deprivation, which created a love – passionate trait of the kid. When he or she is cheated on a loving relationship later, he or she probably turns to sexual desire or even crime of passion, etc, led to committing a crime.

Like the environment, we can self cut down on the crime by controlling our children as a deterrent. From my perspective, two practical individual solutions are related to the responsibilities of parenthood. Firstly, parents in general, must bring up their offspring on a regular basis. In other words, we are raising, educating, and also providing our children enough without being needy of something. Simultaneously, parents should take control of their children’s activities as some T.V shows or the people interacting with them daily, influence considerably to the later behaviors. Taking WWE show as a practical example, we acknowledge why bloody scenes, as well as dirty talks among the wrestlers, have been cut immensely and becoming a parent guide era instead of a vicious old name:’Ruthless Aggression’

In short, I would argue that genetícs doesn’t profoundly decide on the further process of being criminals, though it has proved partially. Furthermore, if we want to maintain a law-abiding society, it is at our hands while we limit the crime rates to some extent by bringing up our offspring dutifully