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AshleyLovesHerself Posted 18 years ago
Grammar
Cosmetic Surgery
I am in college and we are suppose to be writing a paper and here are the instructions:
For this assignment, you are to advocate that something should be done to address or alleviate a problem. Your aim is to convince your audience that a situation is a problem and that a certain action should be taken to respond to that problem. Your starting point might well be something that bothers you and that you feel should be changed. Of course, you might have to convince your readers that it is a problem for them too, if that is not obvious. Then devote the balance of the paper to advocating your plan for dealing with that problem.
So now I wanted to know if this is a good introductory paragraph and can you give me some pointer on where I messed up at. Thank You.
It is sad that some people are unhappy with their physical being.Cosmetic surgery may help out your outer beauty but you are still the same on the inside. Cosmetic Surgery has side effects that are so dangerous and everlasting that they could even lead to death. Some side effects include pain, scarring, swelling, bruising, bleeding, infection - or worse. Some patients may not be able to resume their normal activities for weeks after their operation.There are risk to ever cosmetic surgery. People are so struck by the word cosmetic that they forget they are undergoing a very serious and dangerous procedure.
For this assignment, you are to advocate that something should be done to address or alleviate a problem. Your aim is to convince your audience that a situation is a problem and that a certain action should be taken to respond to that problem. Your starting point might well be something that bothers you and that you feel should be changed. Of course, you might have to convince your readers that it is a problem for them too, if that is not obvious. Then devote the balance of the paper to advocating your plan for dealing with that problem.
So now I wanted to know if this is a good introductory paragraph and can you give me some pointer on where I messed up at. Thank You.
It is sad that some people are unhappy with their physical being.Cosmetic surgery may help out your outer beauty but you are still the same on the inside. Cosmetic Surgery has side effects that are so dangerous and everlasting that they could even lead to death. Some side effects include pain, scarring, swelling, bruising, bleeding, infection - or worse. Some patients may not be able to resume their normal activities for weeks after their operation.There are risk to ever cosmetic surgery. People are so struck by the word cosmetic that they forget they are undergoing a very serious and dangerous procedure.
Top answer
Ashley: You are on to something, but it is not really clear what the problem is that you are trying to solve. Also, it's not clear what you plan to do about it. State the problem in the first sentence, for example (I don't know if this is what you had in mind) In our society, the popularity and disproportionate use of elective cosmetic surgery is a problem.
- Ashley: You are on to something, but it is not really clear what the problem is that you are trying to solve.
- Also, it's not clear what you plan to do about it.
- State the problem in the first sentence, for example (I don't know if this is what you had in mind) In our society, the popularity and disproportionate use of elective cosmetic surgery is a problem.
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1 Answers
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Ashley:
You are on to something, but it is not really clear what the problem is that you are trying to solve. Also, it's not clear what you plan to do about it.
State the problem in the first sentence, for example (I don't know if this is what you had in mind)
In our society, the popularity and disproportionate use of elective cosmetic surgery is a problem.
You are on to something, but it is not really clear what the problem is that you are trying to solve. Also, it's not clear what you plan to do about it.
State the problem in the first sentence, for example (I don't know if this is what you had in mind)
In our society, the popularity and disproportionate use of elective cosmetic surgery is a problem.
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