Correction of an Essay

0Hello,02br
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00I'm trying to write Essays to improve my English level cause I want to study in the United Kingdom. But I always have some problems in grammar.02br
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00So I would like a kind English speaker correct the big mistakes in the grammar of my sentences (not the content). I'll be very grateful if you can help me 05002br
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00Thanks a lot ! 02br
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00 The topic is : "01b00According to press articles, the US is a more masculine country than France. To what extent do you believe this is true ?02b00" 02br
00Through History, we’ve seen that American people are proud and want to manage the world. Meanwhile, French people know how to live and they have a more collectivism mentality. According to several studies, the 0100US0200 is a more “masculine” country than 010200. We’re about to study if this is a reality or not.02br
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001°/ First, we can compare educational values between these two countries.02br
00The American people educational values are rather funded on individualism.02br
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00Each person must show his value to be recognized, the merit is more important than the 01i00link formed (relationship)02i00 with others. Pupils and students have to be independent, self-confident, their teacher assists them in work but they don’t give solutions. They also have to be competitive.02br
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00For instance, intercollegiate sporting events are promoted in American football and basketball. These competitions attract not only young people but all sport fans.02br
00In 010200, educational values are rather funded on collectivism.02br
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00The ties between people are privileged, it doesn’t matter if a person 01i00undergoes many failures 02i00his family and his friends will always support him. Devotion in relationships is essential because people don’t stand to be alone.02br
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00As students, we’re used to partying several times by week, we enter in student associations to share our ideals with others and we think that is the victory of groups which is the more important.02br
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00For example, in soccer games, 01i00one player goal is the equip goal02i00. 00(but 1 joueur est le but de l’équipe)02br
00According to Geert Hofstede (a press article writer), these points show that the 0100US0200 is a more masculine country than 010200. I think we can reveal there is another aspect of this topic with gender ideas.02br
002°/ The power that is a more masculine idea can be illustrated by American will to possess big things.02br
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00Indeed, American cars are big like 01i004x4 or pick up02i00, they like to eat big burgers.02br
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00They use an amazing budget for their movies with many special effects and they often contain fights like Rambo, Terminator or Rocky. Each time, we have the feeling that American glory is bet and it’s always American people who win.02br
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00Then, American comics imply heroes with a super strength and a nice physical appearance like Superman or Hulk.02br
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00On the contrary, French culture hires the small things and products are adapted to family which is a more feminine idea.02br
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00There are small French cars for young people the Twingo, the Clio or the Smart and we’re used to taking a little break with a small cup of coffee.02br
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00In 010200, there are often humoristic or romantic movies like movie of the moment “Bienvenue chez les ch’tis” which is the best French humoristic movie of the year.02br
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00We’re also used to reading comics like “Astérix” or “Tintin” who are not really superheroes.02br
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00As we see through all these examples 010200 owns more masculine ideas than France and we really saw a gap between these two mentalities.02br
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01b00 003°/ 02b00However, the feminine culture in 010200 is limited.02br
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00We also have a competitive policy as we se through a job or college interview. The selection is tough, there are some oral or written exams and many people are refused.02br
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00The vision of soccer as a “sweet” sport is far from reality because many players are hurt during the games. 02br
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00Furthermore, there are French action movies like “Les rivières pourpres”, “Nikita” and “Leon” which compete with American super production.02br
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00 00In my opinion, the association between masculine culture with men who search for success and power, and feminine culture with women who look after their family is a stereotype. It tends to disappear today, women are more and more independent and they can be company’s bosses or minister.02br
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00For instance, the French company CHANEL is lead by a woman.02br
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00To conclude, obviously the 0100US0200 is a more “masculine” culture than 010200. But in my view, there isn’t a best culture because self-confidence and relationships are essential to have a happy live.02br
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00We can wonder if the promotion of power and success could not lead to abuse.02br
00Sincerely, 030srchttp://www.EnglishForward.com/emoticons/emotion-1.gif