correction if you think of better writing

Question

I have extensive experience within this field because I have extensive experience within this field. In the mean time I am working as a volunteer with infrastructure team at hauptbahnhof refugee centre, building washbasin and preparing temporary shelter. Liaising with all other parties including the transportation, social media and medical treatment and legal advice.
In my most recent role as a coordinator with UAE Red Cross my duties included the following: The initial design and co- ordination of Bahraka Refugee Camp and residential housing scheme in the Abril/Kurdistan region in the north of Iraq supervising site activities, including the UAE Red Cross representative pre-project study and site investigation and approval of Kazir Camp west of Arbil.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

hamadreshI have extensive experience within this field because I have extensive experience within this field.

I have a rose. I know it is a rose because it is a rose.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

At present, I am working as a volunteer with infrastructure team at the Hauptbahnhof Refugee Centre, building washbasins and preparing temporary shelters.

Liaising with all other parties including the transportation, social media and medical treatment and legal advice. (That is not a sentence. It does not make sense. I cannot liaise with "advice" or "treatment." )

In my most recent role as a coordinator with UAE Red Cross my duties included the following: (That part is OK)

1. The initial design ~~and co-ordination~~ (One cannot coordinate a camp.) of Bahraka Refugee Camp and residential housing ~~scheme~~ in the Abril/Kurdistan region in the north of Iraq
2. supervising site activities (? I don't know what this means. Please state what you did.), including the UAE Red Cross representative pre-project study (That does not make sense)
3. and site investigation and approval of Kazir Camp west of Arbil.

Hamadresh · Answer

Thank very for your comments these are is my week points in writing letters and always mixing sentences ...I appreciate if you looked again in my attached letter and delete or correct the sentences on which you think it is necessary to change .

I have extensive experience within this field because I have extensive experience within this field. In the mean time I am working as a volunteer with infrastructure team atHauptbahnhof refugee centre, building washbasin and preparing temporary shelter.Liaising with all other parties including the transportation, social media and medical treatment and legal advice.
In my most recent role as a coordinator with UAE Red Cross my duties included the following: The initial design and co- ordination of Bahraka Refugee Camp and residential housing scheme in the Abril/Kurdistan region in the north of Iraq supervising site activities, including the UAE Red Cross representative pre-project study and site investigation and approval of Kazir Camp west of Arbil.
Prior to this role, I worked with the local council / municipality in Dover, UK. My duties included supporting and providing care for all isolated vulnerable individuals, especially unaccompanied minors in translate their needs and Establish communication links with the refugees to ensure good two-way communication between the refugees and those assisting them.
I am a hardworking and enthusiastic who want to help and support the refuges crises whilst you will benefit from my experiences as a result of working on a wide variety of projects in various different countries. I am a native speaker of Kurdish/Arabic/Persian/Turkish and have a professional proficiency in English.

I would like to work with your long established organization and gain further experience and enhance my knowledge in the field of providing facilities to support refugees and other immigrants.
I have extensive experience within this field because I have extensive experience within this field. In the mean time I am working as a volunteer with infrastructure team athauptbahnhof refugee centre, building washbasin and preparing temporary shelter.Liaising with all other parties including the transportation, social media and medical treatment and legal advice.
In my most recent role as a coordinator with UAE Red Cross my duties included the following: The initial design and co- ordination of Bahraka Refugee Camp and residential housing scheme in the Abril/Kurdistan region in the north of Iraq supervising site activities, including the UAE Red Cross representative pre-project study and site investigation and approval of Kazir Camp west of Arbil.
Prior to this role, I worked with the local council / municipality in Dover, UK. My duties included supporting and providing care for all isolated vulnerable individuals, especially unaccompanied minors in translate their needs and Establish communication links with the refugees to ensure good two-way communication between the refugees and those assisting them.
I am a hardworking and enthusiastic who want to help and support the refuges crises whilst you will benefit from my experiences as a result of working on a wide variety of projects in various different countries. I am a native speaker of Kurdish/Arabic/Persian/Turkish and have a professional proficiency in English.
I would like to work with your long established organization and gain further experience and enhance my knowledge in the field of providing facilities to support refugees and other immigrants.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

I have extensive experience within this field because I have extensive experience within this field. (That is like saying "I am cold and wet because I am cold and wet." instead of saying: I am cold because I forgot to bring my coat and umbrella." Your sentence is logical nonsense.)
~~In the mean time~~ At present, ("In the mean time" is logically unnatural.) I am working as a volunteer with the infrastructure team at Hauptbahnhof Refugee Centre, ...

OK, I stopped here because you took none of my prior advice. I don't want to do it all over again; that is a complete waste of my time. Your sentences are replete with mistakes - grammatical and logical.

Hamadresh · Answer

nothing wrong to say**in the mean time* why is unlogic, we used in England at the beging as Moreover..Nevertheless...Pherhaps

Hamadresh · Answer

Sorry,  this was an old version, I should have  checked  before I send it to you , my apology...I am not that stupid

Dorje · Answer

AlpheccaStars...please do the sentence correction of this,,,,,Dear travellers

My name is Tsewang Dorje, Tsangley is my nick name. I am native XYZ born in small village of Peru.

After my secondary school I stepped into tourism industry as freelance tour guide. Because I love to introduce history and cultural to people from other countries. So travel business is my sole hobby not only my profession.

From 2007 I start work as freelance tour guide for many local tour operators and directly for many foreign backpacker tourists, I am proud to saying that I got the excellence feedbacks from almost majority of both the foreigners and domestic tourist for my knowledge, management skill, dedication and sincerity. During my career as a freelance tour guide I have got the chance to explore and study deeply about remote places of Peru.

In 2010 I have established my own travel agent name Nature Tracks and is registered with tourism department Since then I am organizing tours for both foreigners and domestic tourist successfully.

Peru main attraction is charming villages, friendly people, century old monasteries and panoramic landscape. So I am trying my best to promote social sustainability, environmental sustainability and economic sustainability of rural areas.
How I run my business? I run my business with simple principles that is honesty, dedication, transparency and innovations.

Nature Tracks’s field’s staffs
I employing professional freelance tour guide and very experience freelance taxi driver. I charge reasonable service charge on freelance staffs. That is one of my key principles which tie me and freelance staffs together as genuine friendship. We all work together as team.

Nature Tracks’s service
I never satisfied with service and hospitality. That is main driving force that I constantly doing my best to improve the quality of service and hostility. I timely educate the freelance staffs specially guide and driver about hospitality and maintaining sound communication with them to ensuring excellent service to customers.

Nature Tracks’s Business relationship.
I am taking utmost care to maintain harmonious bushiness relationship with hotel, guest house, and Taxi operator. I have selected Hotels, Resort, Fixed camp which excellent service and hospitality. And I also strictly follow the guide lines of local administration departments.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

hamadreshnothing wrong to say*in the mean time why is unlogic,

Martha went to the store to do the weekly grocery shopping. In the mean time, her alcoholic son was at the house, breaking into the liquor cabinet.

To use "In the mean time", you need two different activities - one on one timeline in the story, and one on another.
That context does not exist in your letter.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

DorjeAlpheccaStars...please do the sentence correction of this,,,,,Dear travellers

Hijacking someone else's thread is not polite.
Please start a new thread when you have a new topic.

Hamadresh · Answer

I like your correction and comments, although  sometimes it  sounds  impolite and hash  as your are dealing with your students. but I don't mind as long as you are doing a good job

correction if you think of better writing

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