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Na!tSabeS Posted 19 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Correction and proposals regarding my writing-style appreciated
0 Hi folks! 02 br
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00 I would like you to look over the following texts and correct my mistakes. Also, if there is anything that sounds odd to you but is not necessarily wrong please do not hesitate to write down a better option. I always appreciate advice how to sound more like a native speaker. 02 br
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00 Margaret Atwood – 01 i 00 The Handmaid’s Tale 02 i 02 br
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01 b 00 Profile of Offred’s mother 02 b 02 br
00 Offred’s mother was a self-confident woman and radical feminist who organized protest marches against male violence; she voluntarily decided to spend her life without a man/husband („a man just is a woman’s strategy for making other women”, p. 131 l. 1); sticked to her position when she got Offred with 37; Offred was a wanted child even though her mother did not get any aid, because her child could have been deformed due to her old age; their relationship has never been easy: her mother wanted Offred to live her life in the same manner as she lives hers (“[My mother] expected me to vindicate my life for her”, p. 132 l. 6), she thought Offred did not adequately appreciate the feminists’ sacrafices to help the next generation of women, she often argued with Luke; Offred’s mother’s alcohol problem worsened their arguments; besides she was a rather unpleasant person anyway (“the kind of old woman who won’t let anyone butt in front of her in a supermarket line”, p. 130 l. 32); she also had a soft side, though: sometimes she cried out of loneliness (“And I had friends, I was a lucky one, but I was lonely anyway”, p. 132 l. 32); we might assume that despite her actual concivtion she longed for a man at her side to love and support her; for all that Offred of course loved her mother (“I admired my mother in some ways although things between us were never easy”); her mother embodies everything the constitutors of Gilead want to annihilate 02 br
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01 b 00 Profile of Moira 02 b 02 br
00 Moira is a lesbian handmaid; she is Offred’s closest friend and they meet secretly on the toilet to talk to each other; she is at first a very self-confident, rebellious character who does not accept her situation; she tried to escape twice: the first time she faked illness and was thus taken to hospital, but the her pretence was sniffed out, the second time she apparently got away successfully: she told Aunt Elizabeth that the toilet was overflowing and then threatened her with a metal object while she was fixing the toilet – in this manner Moira got the aunt’s clothes and could flee from the Red Center; her actual plan was to cross the border to Canada; she disappears for nine months; Moira then got caught though and became a prostitute at “Jezebel’s”; her entire attitude had changed because she no longer had the strength to resist the totalitarian system that eventually found a way to silence her; she prefered working as a “sex servant” to the miserable life in the colonies 02 br
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00 Thanks in advance! 02 br
00 By the way do you think a proper text is more appropriate than this mix? It is meant to be a hand-out for the whole class on the themes we discussed. 02 br
00 If you do not mind I will post my other "essays" here as well when I have finished them. 0-
02 br
00 I would like you to look over the following texts and correct my mistakes. Also, if there is anything that sounds odd to you but is not necessarily wrong please do not hesitate to write down a better option. I always appreciate advice how to sound more like a native speaker. 02 br
02 br
00 Margaret Atwood – 01 i 00 The Handmaid’s Tale 02 i 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Profile of Offred’s mother 02 b 02 br
00 Offred’s mother was a self-confident woman and radical feminist who organized protest marches against male violence; she voluntarily decided to spend her life without a man/husband („a man just is a woman’s strategy for making other women”, p. 131 l. 1); sticked to her position when she got Offred with 37; Offred was a wanted child even though her mother did not get any aid, because her child could have been deformed due to her old age; their relationship has never been easy: her mother wanted Offred to live her life in the same manner as she lives hers (“[My mother] expected me to vindicate my life for her”, p. 132 l. 6), she thought Offred did not adequately appreciate the feminists’ sacrafices to help the next generation of women, she often argued with Luke; Offred’s mother’s alcohol problem worsened their arguments; besides she was a rather unpleasant person anyway (“the kind of old woman who won’t let anyone butt in front of her in a supermarket line”, p. 130 l. 32); she also had a soft side, though: sometimes she cried out of loneliness (“And I had friends, I was a lucky one, but I was lonely anyway”, p. 132 l. 32); we might assume that despite her actual concivtion she longed for a man at her side to love and support her; for all that Offred of course loved her mother (“I admired my mother in some ways although things between us were never easy”); her mother embodies everything the constitutors of Gilead want to annihilate 02 br
02 br
01 b 00 Profile of Moira 02 b 02 br
00 Moira is a lesbian handmaid; she is Offred’s closest friend and they meet secretly on the toilet to talk to each other; she is at first a very self-confident, rebellious character who does not accept her situation; she tried to escape twice: the first time she faked illness and was thus taken to hospital, but the her pretence was sniffed out, the second time she apparently got away successfully: she told Aunt Elizabeth that the toilet was overflowing and then threatened her with a metal object while she was fixing the toilet – in this manner Moira got the aunt’s clothes and could flee from the Red Center; her actual plan was to cross the border to Canada; she disappears for nine months; Moira then got caught though and became a prostitute at “Jezebel’s”; her entire attitude had changed because she no longer had the strength to resist the totalitarian system that eventually found a way to silence her; she prefered working as a “sex servant” to the miserable life in the colonies 02 br
02 br
02 br
00 Thanks in advance! 02 br
00 By the way do you think a proper text is more appropriate than this mix? It is meant to be a hand-out for the whole class on the themes we discussed. 02 br
00 If you do not mind I will post my other "essays" here as well when I have finished them. 0-
Top answer
1 b 00 Profile of Offred’s mother 02 b 02 br 00 Offred’s mother was a self-confident woman and radical feminist who organized protest marches against male violence; she voluntarily decided to spend her life without a man/husband (“a man is just a woman’s strategy for making other women”, p. 131 l. 00 00 Due to her mother’s age, Offred could have had birth defects; their relationship has never been easy: her mother wanted Offred to live her life in the same manner as she lives hers (“[My mother] expected me to vindicate my life for her”, p.
- 1 b 00 Profile of Offred’s mother 02 b 02 br 00 Offred’s mother was a self-confident woman and radical feminist who organized protest marches against male violence; she voluntarily decided to spend her life without a man/husband (“a man is just a woman’s strategy for making other women”, p.
- 131 l.
- 00 00 Due to her mother’s age, Offred could have had birth defects; their relationship has never been easy: her mother wanted Offred to live her life in the same manner as she lives hers (“[My mother] expected me to vindicate my life for her”, p.
- 132 l.
- 00 00 I would expect something like “my mother expected me to be a vindication of her life”], she felt Offred did not adequately appreciate the feminists’ sacrifices to help the next generation of women, she often argued with Luke; Offred’s mother’s alcohol problem worsened their arguments; besides she was a rather unpleasant person anyway (“the kind of old woman who won’t let anyone **** in front of her in a supermarket line”, p.
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4 Answers
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1 b 00 Profile of Offred’s mother 02 b 02 br
00 Offred’s mother was a self-confident woman and radical feminist who organized protest marches against male violence; she voluntarily decided to spend her life without a man/husband (“a man is just a woman’s strategy for making other women”, p. 131 l. 1); stuck to her position when she gave birth to Offred at 37; Offred was a want
00 Offred’s mother was a self-confident woman and radical feminist who organized protest marches against male violence; she voluntarily decided to spend her life without a man/husband (“a man is just a woman’s strategy for making other women”, p. 131 l. 1); stuck to her position when she gave birth to Offred at 37; Offred was a want
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0 Thank you! You are probably right about the bullet points, I'll work on it. The translations should actually be from the original english text but I just copied them from the essays I received from my classmates so I cannot tell for sure. My job is to write a grammatically and stylistically correct text for every task on the basis of their results that contains all information. 0-
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1 b 00 Ofglen’s position within the society of Gilead 02 b 02 br
00 Ofglen’s position is already marked by her red clothes: just like Offred, she is a handmaid and is hence the basis of the gileadean system. Due to an ecological catastrophe the overwhelming majority of women is infertile and therefore Gilead is dependant on fertile woman who mostly become handmaids to sec
00 Ofglen’s position is already marked by her red clothes: just like Offred, she is a handmaid and is hence the basis of the gileadean system. Due to an ecological catastrophe the overwhelming majority of women is infertile and therefore Gilead is dependant on fertile woman who mostly become handmaids to sec
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1 b 00 No major changes here – just a few suggestions for vocab and punctuation. 02 b 02 br
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01 b 02 b 02 br
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01 b 00 Ofglen’s position within the society of 02 b 02 br
00 Ofglen’s position is signalled by her red clothes: just like Offred, she is a handmaid and is hence the basis of the Gileadean system. Due to an
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01 b 02 b 02 br
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01 b 00 Ofglen’s position within the society of 02 b 02 br
00 Ofglen’s position is signalled by her red clothes: just like Offred, she is a handmaid and is hence the basis of the Gileadean system. Due to an
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