Correct write my essay plz~~~

Hi dear~

This is my demic essay. I have to write as below

1. formal word

2. passive(do not use make, have, get, let...)

3. do not use I/YOU/WE

4. do not use idiom

5. check punctuation

so, i wrote as above, but i cannot sure.

could somebody check my essay overall?

thank you~

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The etiquette of using a cellular phone

In twenty-first century, the technology has been developed quickly. Cellular phone is one of the most useful and common high-technology devices. It has become a necessity from children to the elder because using the cellular phone can be used regardless of the place and time. Furthermore, A smart phone such as iPhone that is made by Apple, and Galaxy S that is made by Samsung can be used as a PC as well. In contrast, negative aspects. are occasionally caused by using the cellular phone whenever, wherever. For example, most of the people use the cell phone in a public place such as a library, a theater, and public transportations. Also people who have a class or meeting and use cellular phone, at the same time, cannot concentrate on their work. In addition, people sometimes violate portrait of others by capturing someone by a cellular phone; as the technology has been developing, the camera function is equipped to all cellular phones. Therefore, to observe the rule of etiquettes are requested as follows.

First of all, Using the cellular phone in public places should be deterred. Although human life be more convenient than in the past by developed technology, people are still immature, whereupon uncomfortable situations be raised by ignorant behavior like using the cellular phone in public place at loud voice. In other words, Using the cellular phone cause problems that people are offended and interfered with others work by the unexpected din. Therefore, people should cease using a cellular phone in a public place.

Secondly, making the cellular phone in a manner mode would be advantageous to all of people. For instance, when people are lectured or in a meeting, changing the ring signal mode into "manner mode", which turns off the ring signal at the press of a button is necessary. If the bell rings, it would interrupt people around. Andtexting is not good during the class or meeting as well. The behavior, texting, will distract peers sitting around the people using the cellular phone, thus people should inspect the ring signal with manner mode.

Finally, capturing someone by the camera in the cellular phone is not allowed. Portrait right legally exists to the prohibition someone from displaying and distributing pictures of other people without a permission. However, people neglect the portrait right and capture any others on purpose to harm them or for amusement. According to a article, a man was in a subway captured many women by his cellular phone and uploaded the pictures in the internet for a enjoyment, and then the accident was revealed that what he captured women was crime. Therefore, people should be careful of the use of the camera.

In conclusion, people living in the era of high technology, and developed technology improved the quality of the human life. However, The more technology develops, the more problems arises. Accordingly, people must be more responsibly, and people use cellular phone in appropriate way such as ceasing use a cellular phone in a public place, changing the ring signal with manner mode, and using the camera in the cellular phone carefully. If people use the cellular phone with the etiquettes, the future will be better.