Correct usage in this example
When detectives analysed the watch it showed a few months before the murder of Paul Massey, the wearer of the watch had travelled a route from his home to the area behind the church in which the killer lay in wait for his victim.
What is wrong with this sentence ?
I think there should be a comma after showed but even with that it's a run-on sentence or very long.
If it was prepositional then it would read:
When detectives analysed the watch, it showed ect.
Isn't when always prepositional, anyway?
In his first interview for over a decade he discussed a new book, his brutally honest memoir. (absolute phrase)
Is the correct also?
Top answer
panda blue 483 When detectives analysed the watch it showed a few months before the murder of Paul Massey, the wearer of the watch had travelled a route from his home to the area behind the church in which the killer lay in wait for his victim. This is hard to read because of non-optimal punctuation and also because the conjunction "that" has been omitted (which is permissible, but not a good idea in this case). Here is one attempt to make it a little better: When detectives analysed the watch, it showed that, a few months before the murder of Paul Massey, the wearer of the watch had travelled a route from his home to the area behind the church in which the killer lay in wait for his victim.
- panda blue 483 When detectives analysed the watch it showed a few months before the murder of Paul Massey, the wearer of the watch had travelled a route from his home to the area behind the church in which the killer lay in wait for his victim.
- This is hard to read because of non-optimal punctuation and also because the conjunction "that" has been omitted (which is permissible, but not a good idea in this case).
- Here is one attempt to make it a little better: When detectives analysed the watch, it showed that, a few months before the murder of Paul Massey, the wearer of the watch had travelled a route from his home to the area behind the church in which the killer lay in wait for his victim.
- panda blue 483 In his first interview for over a decade he discussed a new book, his brutally honest memoir.
- (absolute phrase) Is the correct also?
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panda blue 483When detectives analysed the watch it showed a few months before the murder of Paul Massey, the wearer of the watch had travelled a route from his home to the area behind the church in which the killer lay in wait for his victim.
This is hard to read because of non-optimal punctuation and also because the conjunction "that" has been omitted (
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