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Starkhan Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

Correct this please !

Ahsan Javed
B.A 3rd year

CAAS.
MOTHERHOOD
He saw her yesterday in the evening coming down from stair, putting her steps very gently. She lived just in front of his house. She was quite pretty and delighted. Simplicity and innocence were appearing on her face. He guessed, she was born with immortal abundant love and affection, sorrows and grieves did not touch her even.
Suddenly he found himself beside her greeting her and looking into her eyes at the bus stop. It was first time when he was looking at her from so small distance. Her eyes were blue and bright with nice nose and blushed face. He was feeling a great happiness in being with her irrespective of knowing the reason behind his satisfaction.
Time was passing slowly, then one day he came to know that she was pregnant. He got shocked as he listened to this shocking news. Although he was knowing that she was living alone and nobody was staying with her except the house owner, lady Lissa. He got stuck in mud before he had a nice friendship with her. He was thinking of making this relationship for a long time or not. But he found himself going to her home unwillingly without noticing the reason. He went and knocked the door. She came out bowing down her head and feeling ashamed upon her. When he found her in such plight said gently: You did not commit a crime. It had been happening for a long time and will happen for ever. How many girls and women are committing this every night. They are forced to kill their burdens by any means. Do not feel shy I am always with you. I can bear this responsibility of being father of this small fetus. I feel one thing is very common between it and me, that is life and soul, one blood is running in our body. I would bring every thing for you. I know you like love stories, musics, magazines, walking into the parks beside me in the morning.
She replayed with a mourning voice. House owner was demanding me to quit her house at once. Moreover I do not want to go to home. They will kill me.
He said: I told I would be with you in any circumstances. Let me find a good room for you. I have plenty of money. I can afford it solely for you. He went and came back soon. He knocked the door but did not get response. Then a lady came out and gave her a letter. It was: "She went and you will never see her" He was gone mad when he look at the letter. He ran to the road and street aimlessly here and there, but didn't find her. He made announcement in the newspaper but it wen vain.
After four months when he was coming back from his office looked a lady coming out from a mall. He called her as he looked. She stopped and said. I read your announcement but not replayed knowing that your love was a simple madness. You were not loving me. You had plane to save the life who was coming upon the Earth.
He realized that she was correct. He never loved her, never found a place in the depth of his heart for her. But what was thing that was attracting him toward her? It was nothing but saving a new life, that we could say motherhood.
Note:
The theme of story has been adopted from a story written by one of the prominent Arabic writer Ehsan Abdul-Quddos.
  

Top answer

Hi Star Khan, I really enjoyed your story. Its a common theme that comes up frequently in all societies. There are many issues related to motherhood and this speaks to many of them.

  • Hi Star Khan, I really enjoyed your story.
  • Its a common theme that comes up frequently in all societies.
  • There are many issues related to motherhood and this speaks to many of them.
  • Admittedly it could be fixed up to sound better in English.
  • However it has a certain charm the way you wrote it and I'd be hesitant to mess with it.
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2 Answers
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Hi Star Khan,

I really enjoyed your story. Its a common theme that comes up frequently in all societies. There are many issues related to motherhood and this speaks to many of them. Admittedly it could be fixed up to sound better in English. However it has a certain charm the way you wrote it and I'd be hesitant to mess with it. I feel sometimes when I check your work it looses some of i
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Thanks a lo Sir.
I hope I will work on it continuously in coming days.

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