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Irum Ghafoor Posted 11 years ago
Grammar
Correct the grammatical mistakes and required idiomatic expressions
I am translating a novel and all I want is someone who can just give it a read along with critical comments. Please read the following passage and let me know if what I have written is grammatically correct or not.
"The sun was casting its shiny rays on the dew-morning when I reached at the bus stop traipsing. My bag was hanging over my shoulder and the water bottle was in my hand. I kept the bag on a side and sat on the bench with the stodgy mien-the same place-where I'd wait for the arrival of the bus for ten minutes daily. The weather was getting hotter day by day. The scroching heat of sun was becoming unbearable.I was sweating profusely at this time of morning. I took a sup of water in a humdrum way. My face was wearing the same perpetual exasperating expressions and my eyes were filled with indignent. I was wearing the usual attire- Long shirt along with jeans and my scarf was around my neck. I was looking around with critical eyes- sitting leg-crossed-leg.
"The sun was casting its shiny rays on the dew-morning when I reached at the bus stop traipsing. My bag was hanging over my shoulder and the water bottle was in my hand. I kept the bag on a side and sat on the bench with the stodgy mien-the same place-where I'd wait for the arrival of the bus for ten minutes daily. The weather was getting hotter day by day. The scroching heat of sun was becoming unbearable.I was sweating profusely at this time of morning. I took a sup of water in a humdrum way. My face was wearing the same perpetual exasperating expressions and my eyes were filled with indignent. I was wearing the usual attire- Long shirt along with jeans and my scarf was around my neck. I was looking around with critical eyes- sitting leg-crossed-leg.
Top answer
Are you translating this with the intention of trying to get the translation published, or is it just for your own interest?
- Are you translating this with the intention of trying to get the translation published, or is it just for your own interest?
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25 Answers
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Are you translating this with the intention of trying to get the translation published, or is it just for your own interest?
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It's for publication but before that the author said that the work will be checked by an editor as well. So, I want it to be well translated before it is checked by any editor. So, your reviews on my translation?
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It is mostly grammatically correct (more or less), and mostly intelligible, but there are a lot of odd word uses and unnatural or unidiomatic phrasings, which I have highlighted below. I have also highlighted some typos and spacing/punctuation errors.
The sun was casting its shiny rays on the dew-mor
The sun was casting its shiny rays on the dew-mor
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I'm going to post my comments and proposed corrections in another entry. Your original is in bold, with my additions in red and deletions in strikeout. If I had further comments after a line or lines, they will appear in regular type with red run-in headings. I have noted problems in grammar, punctuation, vocabulary, idiom, and cultural referen
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The sun was casting its shiny rays on the dew-morning when I reached at the bus stop traipsing.
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I am much obliged to you for doing this kind favour. Thank You so much for taking time out and correcting my mistakes.
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By "purist" to you mean someone who speaks english proper or someone who is old fashionedly talking?
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Your tenses are mixed up. Traipsing should be dropped. It is a useless and misplaced word. End at the object-the bus stop. Traipsing belongs before the bus stop. Dew instead of dewey. Pretty good start. Keep practicing. Try reading some short English sentences and analyze how they are structured.
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Dear deadrat,
thank you so much for your full analysis of the text) it helps me a lot))
thank you so much for your full analysis of the text) it helps me a lot))
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