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Perfect Stranger Posted 11 years ago
Grammar
Correct or not no. 91 - an e-mail
Dear Users,
May I ask someone to have a quick look at the following message and let me know if there's something you consider to be non-native-like? I'd be very grateful for your insights. I'm uncertain about the way I used commas
Two students (ABC and XYZ from 123 class) were going to have a presentation about Ray Bradbury's life and influence on popular (sience)fiction genre. The PPT was preceded by a short tribute video created by an American comedian and a big fan of Bradbury's. Unfortunately, the content of the video was, in my opinion, unacceptable due to the fact that it contained vulgar language and sexual connotations. On her defense, ABC claimed that she found the video through Wikipedia and that she wasn't aware of its vulgar content (which I find hard to believe, since she was supposed to be well-prepared for the presentation) She also claimed that the video shows how influential Ray Bradbury was, and although that might be true, I don't think the content was appropriate. I have already informed both the girls and the whole group that such videos cannot be used in class. Not in literature class, or any other class as a matter of fact.
I know I'm asking for a lot of your time but I see no other way to improve.
May I ask someone to have a quick look at the following message and let me know if there's something you consider to be non-native-like? I'd be very grateful for your insights. I'm uncertain about the way I used commas
Two students (ABC and XYZ from 123 class) were going to have a presentation about Ray Bradbury's life and influence on popular (sience)fiction genre. The PPT was preceded by a short tribute video created by an American comedian and a big fan of Bradbury's. Unfortunately, the content of the video was, in my opinion, unacceptable due to the fact that it contained vulgar language and sexual connotations. On her defense, ABC claimed that she found the video through Wikipedia and that she wasn't aware of its vulgar content (which I find hard to believe, since she was supposed to be well-prepared for the presentation) She also claimed that the video shows how influential Ray Bradbury was, and although that might be true, I don't think the content was appropriate. I have already informed both the girls and the whole group that such videos cannot be used in class. Not in literature class, or any other class as a matter of fact.
I know I'm asking for a lot of your time but I see no other way to improve.
Top answer
Here's a more natural version. Please ask if you don't understand any of my changes. Two students (Mary Smith and Betty Jones from my grade 9 Literature class) were going to make/give/do a presentation about Ray Bradbury's life and his influence on the popular science fiction genre.
- Here's a more natural version.
- Please ask if you don't understand any of my changes.
- Two students (Mary Smith and Betty Jones from my grade 9 Literature class) were going to make/give/do a presentation about Ray Bradbury's life and his influence on the popular science fiction genre.
- The presentation was preceded by a short tribute video created by an American comedian and a big fan of Bradbury's.
- Unfortunately, the content of the video was, in my opinion, unacceptable due to the fact that it contained vulgar language and sexual connotations.
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4 Answers
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Here's a more natural version. Please ask if you don't understand any of my changes.
Two students (Mary Smith and Betty Jones from my grade 9 Literature class) were going to make/give/do a presentation about Ray Bradbury's life and his influence on the popular science fiction genre. The presentation was preceded by a short tribute video created by
Two students (Mary Smith and Betty Jones from my grade 9 Literature class) were going to make/give/do a presentation about Ray Bradbury's life and his influence on the popular science fiction genre. The presentation was preceded by a short tribute video created by
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I am going to comment not about the acceptability of your English but about the acceptability of your instruction. And for that I beg your indulgence.
You have declared that your esthetic judgment will serve as a censor to protect the sensibilities of the students in class 123 or "any other class," apparently unaware that this is the theme of one of Ray Bradbury's novels, Fahrenheit 4
You have declared that your esthetic judgment will serve as a censor to protect the sensibilities of the students in class 123 or "any other class," apparently unaware that this is the theme of one of Ray Bradbury's novels, Fahrenheit 4
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Clive, thank you so much for your corrections. At this point I'd like to ask just one question. If you had seen what I wrote without being asked to correct it, would you have guessed that it had not been written by a native-speaker?
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