Correct my writing plz :'(

Question

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.My essay: The two pie charts provide information on the percentage of male and female occupations in 6 categories, divided into manual and non-manual groups, in Great Britain in the year 1992. In general, the major difference between men's and women's employment is that women mostly participated in non-manual work, and the reverse is true for men.In non-manual occupations, it is clear that the proportion in the managerial and professional segment in male was the highest, at 36%, compared with 29% in female. Furthermore, whilst the number of women employed in clerical or related was fivefold in comparison to men, the proportion of women working in other non-manual occupations was slightly larger than the proportion of men in this category.In manual employment, there was no difference in the percentage of both genders in other manual work, at 27% in female and 26% in male. Likewise, the data of men and women working as general laborers was very small, at 2% and 1% respectively. Finally, while there was only 3% of women chose to work as craft or similar jobs, this proportion in men was much greater, at nearly a quarter of the pie.

Happy260904 · Accepted Answer

The two pie charts below show some employment patterns in Great Britain in 1992.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

My essay:

The two pie charts provide information on the percentage of male and female occupations in 6 categories, divided into manual and non-manual groups, in Great Britain in the year 1992.

In general, the major difference between men's and women's employment is that women mostly participated in non-manual work, and the reverse is true for men.

In non-manual occupations, it is clear that the proportion in the managerial and professional segment in male was the highest, at 36%, compared with 29% in female. Furthermore, whilst the number of women employed in clerical or related was fivefold in comparison to men, the proportion of women working in other non-manual occupations was slightly larger than the proportion of men in this category.

In manual employment, there was no difference in the percentage of both genders in other manual work, at 27% in female and 26% in male. Likewise, the data of men and women working as general laborers was very small, at 2% and 1% respectively. Finally, while there was only 3% of women chose to work as craft or similar jobs, this proportion in men was much greater, at nearly a quarter of the pie.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Happy260904The two pie charts provide information on

That is vague and gives no indication of what is on the charts.

Happy260904male and female occupations

That is not correct.

A male occupation might be a truck driver, civil or mechanical engineer.
A female occupation might be caretaker, nurse, or primary school teacher.

The chart does not distinguish male occupations from female occupations.

Your description is inaccurate.

Happy260904in 6 categories

Write small numbers in words if they are not data values.

Compare:

six categories, three months (Categories, time spans)
6%, 3 metric tonnes (Data values)

Happy260904men's and women's employment

That is not the same as "male and female occupations"

Happy260904 participated in non-manual work

That is not a natural verb. We participate in games, sports, leisure-time classes and volunteer activities. It is not used for work.

Happy260904it is clear that

Delete. Do not use these dummy-it clauses. They add no information

Happy260904 professional segment in male

That makes no sense.

Happy260904the number of women

There are no numbers here. A number would be 56,943, 35 or 134,566.

Some pie charts annotate the numbers as well as the percentages, but that is not in this figure.

Happy260904 Likewise, the data of men and women

Wrong word. Data refers an entire collection of values or measurements, as in "data set" of "Data collected in the spring of 2021, shows that ..."

Happy260904there was only 3% of women chose to work

"Women chose to work" is a main clause. A main clause cannot be used as the object of a preposition.
"Of" is a preposition.

This is ungrammatical.

There are many more difficulties with this essay. If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one.

Correct my writing plz :'(

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions