Correct my writing plz :'(

Question

My essay:

The bar graph compares the proportions of people’s habits on buying and drinking coffee and tea, which were investigated in five cities in Australia including Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart in the last four weeks.

Overall, it is clear that the data of those who went to a cafe for coffee or tea in the last 28 days in all cities held the highest percentages, with the exception of that in Adelaide. Moreover, soluble coffee sales registered the second most percentages whilst fresh coffee purchases were the lowest in all cities.

Going to a cafe for coffee or tea, which is considered the most popular choice amongst all cities, recorded the highest proportion in Melbourne, at slightly lower than 65%, followed closely by Hobart and Sydney (just over 60% each). Regarding the figure of instant coffee sales, the highest percentage was reported in Hobart, at nearly 55%. Interestingly, Adelaide was the only city whose date of this category was recorded to be mildly higher than having tea and coffee at a cafe( more than approximately 2%).

Consuming fresh coffee in the given time was the least popular amongst other choices, with about 44% in Sydney, followed by Melbourne, at only fewer than 2%. However, the figures of Brisbane and Adelaide registered the lowest level in this criteria, with only around 34%.

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Happy260904 · Answer

My essay:

The bars graph compares the proportions of people’s habits on buying and drinking coffee and tea, which were investigated in five cities in Australia including Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart in the last four weeks.

Overall, it is clear that the data of those who went to a cafe for coffee or tea in the last 28 days in all cities held the highest percentages, with the exception of that in Adelaide. Moreover, soluble coffee sales registered the second most percentages whilst fresh coffee purchases were the lowest in all cities.

Going to a cafe for coffee or tea, which is considered the most popular choice amongst all cities, recorded the highest proportion in Melbourne, at slightly lower than 65%, followed closely by Hobart and Sydney (just over 60% each). Regarding the figure of instant coffee sales, the highest percentage was reported in Hobart, at nearly 55%. Interestingly, Adelaide was the only city whose date of this category was recorded to be mildly higher than having tea and coffee at a cafe( more than approximately 2%).

Consuming fresh coffee in the given time was the least popular amongst other choices, with about 44% in Sydney, followed by Melbourne, at only fewer than 2%. However, the figures of Brisbane and Adelaide registered the lowest level in this criteria, with only around 34%.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The bar graph compares the proportions of people’s habits (Incorrect. What is half of a habit?) on buying and drinking coffee and tea, which were investigated (Not good) in five cities in Australia including (Wrong word. "Including" means that your list is not complete. There are other cities besides these.) Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart in the last four weeks. (wrong expression. The investigation was not over the past four weeks. There is a good way to describe plots that are the results of surveys, and this is not a good technique. Besides, you did not mention any of the categories. )

Overall, ~~it is clear that the data of~~ (read my advice) those who went to a cafe for coffee or tea in the last 28 days (confusing.) in all cities held (data does not hold anything.) the highest percentages, with the exception of that in Adelaide. Moreover, soluble coffee (bad expression) sales registered the second most percentages whilst fresh coffee purchases were the lowest in all cities.

Going to a cafe for coffee or tea, which is considered the most popular choice amongst all cities, (Do not give opinion, conclusions or analysis of the information. Just describe the plot.) recorded the highest proportion in Melbourne, at slightly lower than 65%, followed closely by Hobart and Sydney (just over 60% each). Regarding the figure (read my advice) of instant coffee sales, the highest percentage was reported in Hobart, at nearly 55%. Interestingly, Adelaide was the only city whose date of this category (What is the date of a category? October 12, 2020?) was recorded to be mildly higher than having tea and coffee at a cafe( more than approximately 2%). (I do not understand your writing. Ten percent is more than 2% and so is 34%)

Consuming fresh coffee (We do not eat coffee!) in the given time (?) was the least popular amongst other choices, with about 44% in Sydney, followed by Melbourne, at only fewer (incorrect. Fewer is for count nouns.) than 2%. However, the figures (wrong word) of Brisbane and Adelaide registered the lowest level in this criteria, (wrong expression. ) with only around 34%.

Correct my writing plz :'(

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