0
ShaFira Hussein Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
Correct my story please... :)
Hi. I need help correcting a part of my story. It's a dream.
Everything was pitch-black. It wasn’t dark, I was sure. Dark would be like dusk on a cloudy day, with just enough light to see what was around. This one that I was currently experiencing on the other hand was much more different. It was like a thick blindfold of blackness had just been tied firmly around my head. I couldn’t see anything. Just blackness… Was this what it feels like to be blind?
I hurried through the gloom without a path, scared of the darkness and silence that pressured uncomfortably against my eardrums. I tried to move faster, to run, though I knew the speed would only make me clumsy.
As I stumbled maladroitly through the pathless black, I finally saw light. I didn’t know what it was, or where it came from, but I was glad seeing it. At first, it was just a dim glow from a distance. Then, it slowly grew brighter, and closer, illuminating a large space in front of me.
I smiled as I watched it in awe. I almost felt like watching light for the first time. I stood still, waiting for the light to embrace me, just as much I wanted to embrace it.
“Mia!!” I heard my name being called, and turned away from the light to see who it was–though I didn’t really need to. I’d recognize that voice anywhere.
“Evelyn!” I beamed at her.
But she wasn’t smiling at me. She had an alarmed expression on her face as she looked at me and the light, back and forth. Abruptly, she lunged at me, pushing me so hard that I tumbled and landed roughly on…grass?
Bewildered, I looked around and for a bizarre moment it felt as if things were going in slow motion. Where was I exactly? I was in an unexplained blackness at one moment, then I saw a light and suddenly Evelyn pushed me and now I was at my house front yard? My head ached as I tried to comprehend what was happening around me.
Things were still going in slow motion, and with Evelyn standing there so still, she almost looked like she just froze into a mannequin as she looked at the light with a shocked expression.
She was shocked. Shocked! Why was she shocked?!? Only when I watched the light drawing closer towards Evelyn did I notice the bigger picture.
With a dizzying jolt, clarity abruptly began to fill my foggy mind, and everything started to go in fast motion. The light, it wasn’t some random halo that appeared suddenly out of nowhere. It was actually headlights from a large lorry. And Evelyn! She pushed me away because she wanted to save me from being hit by the lorry.
I watched the scene in horror as the lorry moved closer towards Evelyn. I tried to move, but my muscles seemed to lock into place. They were somehow tightened. I froze as she turned to me, smiling, and mouthed, “I love you…”
And everything went black again. But this time it was different; an excruciating pain followed as I heard myself screaming Evelyn’s name, tires screeching to a halt and… thud!
A bright – almost bloody – redness suddenly filled my vision, replacing the black.
Everything was pitch-black. It wasn’t dark, I was sure. Dark would be like dusk on a cloudy day, with just enough light to see what was around. This one that I was currently experiencing on the other hand was much more different. It was like a thick blindfold of blackness had just been tied firmly around my head. I couldn’t see anything. Just blackness… Was this what it feels like to be blind?
I hurried through the gloom without a path, scared of the darkness and silence that pressured uncomfortably against my eardrums. I tried to move faster, to run, though I knew the speed would only make me clumsy.
As I stumbled maladroitly through the pathless black, I finally saw light. I didn’t know what it was, or where it came from, but I was glad seeing it. At first, it was just a dim glow from a distance. Then, it slowly grew brighter, and closer, illuminating a large space in front of me.
I smiled as I watched it in awe. I almost felt like watching light for the first time. I stood still, waiting for the light to embrace me, just as much I wanted to embrace it.
“Mia!!” I heard my name being called, and turned away from the light to see who it was–though I didn’t really need to. I’d recognize that voice anywhere.
“Evelyn!” I beamed at her.
But she wasn’t smiling at me. She had an alarmed expression on her face as she looked at me and the light, back and forth. Abruptly, she lunged at me, pushing me so hard that I tumbled and landed roughly on…grass?
Bewildered, I looked around and for a bizarre moment it felt as if things were going in slow motion. Where was I exactly? I was in an unexplained blackness at one moment, then I saw a light and suddenly Evelyn pushed me and now I was at my house front yard? My head ached as I tried to comprehend what was happening around me.
Things were still going in slow motion, and with Evelyn standing there so still, she almost looked like she just froze into a mannequin as she looked at the light with a shocked expression.
She was shocked. Shocked! Why was she shocked?!? Only when I watched the light drawing closer towards Evelyn did I notice the bigger picture.
With a dizzying jolt, clarity abruptly began to fill my foggy mind, and everything started to go in fast motion. The light, it wasn’t some random halo that appeared suddenly out of nowhere. It was actually headlights from a large lorry. And Evelyn! She pushed me away because she wanted to save me from being hit by the lorry.
I watched the scene in horror as the lorry moved closer towards Evelyn. I tried to move, but my muscles seemed to lock into place. They were somehow tightened. I froze as she turned to me, smiling, and mouthed, “I love you…”
And everything went black again. But this time it was different; an excruciating pain followed as I heard myself screaming Evelyn’s name, tires screeching to a halt and… thud!
A bright – almost bloody – redness suddenly filled my vision, replacing the black.
Top answer
Everything was pitch-black. This was not the kind of darkness you have at night, where there is always a faint glimmer of light from the stars, so that you can just make things out. This was a different kind of darkness.
- Everything was pitch-black.
- This was not the kind of darkness you have at night, where there is always a faint glimmer of light from the stars, so that you can just make things out.
- This was a different kind of darkness.
- It was as though I had multiple blindfolds tied around my head, so that I could not see anything, just blackness.
- Is this what it feels like to be blind?
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
2 Answers
0
Everything was pitch-black. This was not the kind of darkness you have at night, where there is always a faint glimmer of light from the stars, so that you can just make things out. This was a different kind of darkness. It was as though I had multiple blindfolds tied around my head, so that I could not see anything, just blackness. Is this what it feels like to be blind?
Nevertheless
Nevertheless
00
I was bewildered. It was all bizarre. I got up and things felt like they were going in slow motion. I couldn't tell where I was exactly. First there was that total blackness, and then the light, and then Evelyn pushing me down onto what felt like the grass in the lawn in the front yard of my house. My head was aching and I couldn't comphrehend what was happening.
As things passed b
As things passed b
0
Related Questions