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Anonymous Posted 11 years ago
Grammar

Correct my sentence

The leaves of this tree, many shades of red and yellow, fell sluggishly like puffy snowflakes towards the springy grass, which cushioned the fall of the many bouncing toddlers taking their first steps, which intertwined with the fecundity of a place both they and I thought of as being a place in which, if the garden of Eden were transposed atop this panacea of colour I am seeing, its beauty would wither and wane against the frothing ineffability of the shadow of that which is a Monet, a Picasso and a Van Gogh.

It is too long. I am learning English. Help!
  

Top answer

The leaves of this tree, many shades of red and yellow in colour, fell sluggishly like puffy snowflakes towards the springy grass, cushioning the falls of the many bouncing toddlers whom were taking their first steps. This intertwined with the fecundity of a place both they and I thought of as being a place in which, if the Garden of Eden were transposed atop this frothing canvas of colour before my eyes, its beauty would wither and wane against what is without doubt, the shadow of a Monet, a Picasso, and a Van Gogh. Maybe this is better?

— Anonymous

  • The leaves of this tree, many shades of red and yellow in colour, fell sluggishly like puffy snowflakes towards the springy grass, cushioning the falls of the many bouncing toddlers whom were taking their first steps.
  • This intertwined with the fecundity of a place both they and I thought of as being a place in which, if the Garden of Eden were transposed atop this frothing canvas of colour before my eyes, its beauty would wither and wane against what is without doubt, the shadow of a Monet, a Picasso, and a Van Gogh.
  • Maybe this is better?
  • Please help me...
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2 Answers
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The leaves of this tree, many shades of red and yellow in colour, fell sluggishly like puffy snowflakes towards the springy grass, cushioning the falls of the many bouncing toddlers whom were taking their first steps. This intertwined with the fecundity of a place both they and I thought of as being a place in which, if the Garden of Eden were transposed atop this frothing canvas of colour before
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The second sentence does not make much sense.
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