Correct my graduation essay and suggest for improvements

“Think bigger Think better”, the motto of xxxx, the business group in which I work, had a profound effect on me. I have always dreamt of doing something big in my entire life. But after joining the company I realized that I should do something big that would bring a change for the betterment of the world. As Nelson Mandela once said, “Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world”, I believe that I will be successful in my life long quest of bringing a change in this world for its betterment through my education.

My family, school, college and the job played an important role in shaping me in various stages of my life. At school level I excelled in my studies, particularly in sciences and secured 92 percent in my senior secondary examinations. My parents wanted their child to have an all round personality development. My mother encouraged me to participate in cultural activities, while my father always encouraged me to take part in debates. Being a professor himself, he taught me how to speak in front of an audience. I was inspired by my brother, who was a State Football Champion, to take up sports at a very young stage. Being elected as School People Leader democratically through a voting process, in a school of 2000 odd students, was the first step that I had embarked in the journey of leadership.

While my family and school built me from my foundation, the refinement was done by the college and the job. College was a huge change of landscape for me. There was huge competition be it academics, sports, cultural activities and I had to compete with the students who were at par with me. During the course, I made sure that I performed well in the class and assimilated my mechanical engineering concepts in a fruitful manner. A Cumulative GPA of 9.07/10.00 gives further credence to my academic excellence. It is my belief that there are no shortcuts to success. The only path to success in anything is through the road of hard work. This simple yet universal truth has always been my motto in life. I am very passionate about my work and always try to complete it in the best possible way.

As a member of XX, the official mechanical society, apart from being in the organizing committee of various events, I conducted events like Machinability and Junkyard Wars. This experience taught me how to plan an event, work in a team, how to meet financial constraints etc. As a member of XXX, a society which promotes the rich Indian culture among the youth through various traditional art forms, I had the platform to serve the community. It was a rich educative experience to meet the renowned artists of the country in various art forms and come to know how they were successful in mastering their art form despite facing numerous obstacles in their life.

I fervently believe that “Learning is like rowing upstream: not to advance is to drop back”. I had always worked diligently to hone my existing skills and to learn new ones required for the academic success. I learnt design softwares like CATIA, SOLIDWORKS, analysis softwares like ANSYS, programming languages like C, C++ and Java during my under graduation. Apart from learning curriculum related subjects, I was passionate about studying the latest trends in different fields which helped me to give the paper presentations “Role of Mechanical Engineer in Nanotechnology”, “Trends in suspension systems” (which have won me the first place at National level Technical Fests Y&Y) and the seminar “Driver Assistance Systems”.

The career at XXXXX developed me personally and professionally. During this period, I improved my knowledge base apart from gaining practical experience. I had the opportunity to deal with real life engineering problems and to find their solutions using my knowledge. The work had always involved coordination with various departments which in turn helped me to develop myself as a team player. The presentations, seminars, meetings and discussions helped me to improve my communication skills. The commissioning experience taught me how to plan and execute the work in order to meet the deadlines and financial constraints. The operation experience taught me how me how to handle a crisis.

The ultimate aim of any education is giving back to the society .I wish to contribute to the society and create a better world through my education. The X University is a world renowned university with great facilities and exciting opportunities for research in mechanical engineering. The eminent faculty and the individualized nature of the Graduate Program will definitely bring out the best in me. I feel confident that I have the qualities to become a successful graduate student in your university. I look forward to join your university as a graduate student.