Correct my essay?

Question

Could anyone proofread my essay? I'm taking the general IELTS test next Saturday and although I have been practicing quite a lot, I have no-one to proofread my written tests. Can anyone help?

Thanks !

Here is the assignment:

Governments should make more effort to promote alternative sources of energy.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Use at least 250 words.

And this is my essay:

Scarce or even completely exhausted in the future? That is the question that we should ask ourselves about the earth’s natural resources if the government does not make a serious effort to promote alternative sources of energy.

As most of earth’s resources cannot be renewed or regrown it is of the utmost importance that the government makes fierce attempts to promote alternative ways of producing energy. These alternatives can vary from composting in our own back yard in order to reduce the amount of rubbish to planting wind turbines along the coast to produce electricity.

Saving the environment does not necessarily imply spending millions of dollars on high tech projects such as the creation of eco fuel, just raising awareness can go a long way. In my opinion the government should focus on making the public more aware of how alternative energy sources can be used instead of the planet’s resources. We could use a dry rack instead of the dryer and thus use the power of the wind instead of electrical power. The government could promote the placement of solar panels on our roofs so that we use the power of the sun to heat our homes instead of gases.

However, it is not always possible to use non-conservative ways to create energy. Sometimes the coal, gases or trees are the only possible means to serve the end. Large production units for example such as steel plants are simply unable to sustain their entire production by using only the power of wind turbines. A combination of both conservative and alternative energy sources is required here.

To conclude my essay I would suggest that the government is to promote the awareness around alternative energy in private households and stipulate ideal ways of combining alternative with conservative resources when it concerns large production units. This will ensure a longer life time for our planet.

Thanks !!
Barbara - Belgium

Cwtch · Accepted Answer

Will non-renewable resources be scarce or even completely exhausted in the future? (This wasn't a sentence, it was a sentence fragment. Also, I don’t like the question. It is pretty much a foregone conclusion that they will be exhausted at our present rate of consumption. I would make this a statement not a question…Non-renewable sources will be scarce…) That is the question that we should ask ourselves about the earth’s natural resources. If the government does not make a serious effort to promote alternative sources of energy, it will be up to individuals to solve the problem or, sooner or later, we will no longer have the power required to run our economy, heat our homes and fuel our factories. (Also a fragment and I took a stab at your intent)

Furthermore, as most of Earth’s resources cannot be renewed or re-grown, it is of the utmost importance that the government makes fierce serious attempts to promote alternative ways of producing energy. (I corrected this sentence for you to understand the problems but I would actually delete it because it is really the same sentiment as above.) Unfortunately, it seems nothing is being done to rectify the situation. (I'm not sure this is the exact sentiment you were trying to express. I took a stab at it.) ~~These~~ Alternatives can vary from ~~composting in our own back yard in order to reduce the amount of rubbish to~~ planting constructing wind turbines ~~along the coast~~ to ~~produce electricity~~ building tidal generators. (Composting doesn't affect energy consumption except in a very small way. There might be slightly less energy used in the transportation of waste. You should keep your focus to the original premise which I believe to be energy.)

Saving the environment does not necessarily imply require spending millions of dollars on high tech projects such as the creation of eco fuel. Just raising awareness can go a long way. (This is incongruent and I disagree. Above, you say the government should promote alternative energies and now you say that raising awareness will go a long way. Raising awareness and promoting are not the same thing. Promoting implies tax and other incentives . Awareness without action really accomplishes nothing. Yep, the world's going to **** in a hand basket. I'm aware of it but it's really someone else's problem. Also, I think most people are aware of the problem. The key is to get them to take action, therefore, I the government should actively promote alternative energy through incentives. Furthermore, I think creating the new infrastructure of wind, solar ect. will be huge. It will be extremely expensive up front but in the long run, it will be worth the cost.) ~~In my opinion~~ The government should focus on making the public more aware of how alternative energy sources can be used instead of the planet’s non-renewable resources. (Alternative energy sources are part of our planet's resources. Again, this is contradictory. Should the government promote alternative energy or just raise awareness? Plus, I think the awareness is there. Everyone has heard these issues many times. Action is what we need. Should the government actively promote action?) We could

People should use a drying racks instead of the dryers and thus, use the power of the wind and solar power instead of electrical power. The government could should promote the placement of solar panels, wind generators and other alternative energies on our roofs so that we use the power of the wind, water and Sun to heats our homes instead of gases fossil fuels. (You are still contradicting yourself. Also, conservation doesn't solve the problem; it just postpones the inevitable. I'm not saying that conservation is bad. It will buy us time but we need to change the infrastructure.)

However, it is not always possible to use non-conservative ways renewable sources to create energy. (Technically, energy cannot be created. See Newton's First Law of Thermodynamics.) Sometimes, the coal, gases or oil trees (trees are renewable, albeit slowly and they are not used much for energy in developed countries and I've certainly never seen a wood fired steel mill.) are the only possible feasible means to serve the end provide electrical and other usable energy forms in quantities large enough to support the population. Large production units for example facilities such as steel plants are simply unable to sustain their entire production by using only the power of wind turbines. (Is this really true? My belief is that if we got off our rears that we could provide all our energy needs from solar, wind turbines and tidal generators.) A combination of both ~~conservative~~ conservation and the use of alternative energy sources is required. here.

To conclude my essay In conclusion, I would suggest that the government is to should promote ~~the awareness~~ around alternative energy. in private households and stipulate ideal ways of combining alternative with conservative resources when it concerns large production units. This will ensure a longer life time for our planet. (You need to address some issues above to conclude. Should the government stipulate or promote? Should the government simply state what should be done or should it promote it? Your basic premise is not solid and therefore, it is impossible to write a strong conclusion.) A good point to bring into the paper is the economic catastrophe coming if we don't start developing alternative energies. When we run out of fossil fuel, our economy will come to a screeching halt if action isn't taken.

Finally, I disagree with the premise that the government can or will help. The people running our government can barely tie their own shoes. I don’t see them fixing anything. But this is not really the issue with the paper. It us just my belief and contrary to my own over-inflated ego, I'm not always right.

Big Smile" src="

" mce_src="/emoticons/emotion-2.gif"> Nor am I a cynic.

I've provided a lot of information, probably too much. Work on this and resubmit it and I will be glad to provide more input. I'm sure other people will also comment and likely contradict much of what I have said.

Correct my essay?

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